Lilies and Lilacs
by Sombereyes
Summary: Life is garden. As beautiful as that is, it also means that sometimes, someone needs help to get out of the mud. When they do, who will be there to pull them out? That's a question Mai doesn't have the answer to, and she's not even sure if she wants one until an unlikely candidate comes along to help rebuild the foundation of her life. Mai/Shizuru, Nat/Nao.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: My good friend, Beth, requested that I make a Mai and Shizuru based story. For a long time, I considered how to do that…after a lot of thought, I finally have the first part done…here you go, Beth. The first installment to the Mai/Shizuru story you've been craving for me to do. I hope this pleases you.

So, without further delay, on with the fiction!

**Lilies and Lilacs  
>Part one of three<strong>

She wasn't particularly unhappy...not at all.

In fact, she prided herself on the fact that she remained as optimistic as possible in the face of difficult news. Her life had been full of hardship, so learning to smile through the pain was something she simply had to learn to do. She didn't want to wallow in her own tears all of her life. The loss of her mother had been difficult, but the fact that she had to worry about her little brother kept her going.

It forced her to be strong…perhaps, in some ways, too strong. At least, that's what she'd been told. Time and time again, in many different ways, shapes, and forms.

_"__You need to rest sis…worry about yourself for a change."_ Her brother meant every word, and spoke them in the greatest concern. Even while he was ill in his own hospital bed, he refused to let his sister coddle him, and as siblings, they argued about that detail often. They always had, and probably always would. If it was only her brother telling her to take it easy, she probably would have never noticed that anything was wrong…but it wasn't just Takumi.

_"__We're really worried about you, Mai…maybe you should have a drink of water and sit down. I can man the grill for a while."_ Her coworkers saw her at her worst, even when she pretended to be at her best. Her false smiles didn't work on them anymore, in fact, if anything it bothered them. She hated the feeling of pity that fell on her form, because truly, she didn't want it…didn't need it…and refused to acknowledge it.

Maybe it was because she was used to it from everyone, but even then, those sideways glances were something she could push away. She could continue on, and do what she wanted to do. That's what she believed, she had to. Then, as if her current struggles weren't enough in her life, high school pressure was the next adversary.

_"__Tokiha, if your grades keep suffering, you may find that getting into university will be a nearly impossible task…" _After she graduated high school, she never went to a university. Never took the tests, never had the time, and never allowed herself to feel bad about it. She had been working at the diner since she was merely a teen, and she intended to stay there. It was a choice she made because it was a comfortable one, but even that comfort wouldn't last forever.

Good things never did.

_"__You know, you can't keep this up forever…something's got to give, and when it finally does, you're going to be sorry."_ Even her friends reminded her of the fact that she felt so powerless, so tired…and, in some ways, so very lonely. They wanted her to depend on them just a little bit more, begged her to just ask them for something. They would do anything in their power to make it happen.

However, there was only one thing she really wanted, and that wasn't within their control.

She wanted a new heart for her brother, and a safe, successful operation, that would allow him to recover. Lacking the power to give him that, she had to wait…they all had to wait. Counting down the days, twiddling their fingers, and praying that her brother's health held out. Knowing that she was unable to expedite the process, she found herself restless.

She needed to do something…anything.

Just a hobby, she convinced herself after waiting around become too much. A little something to pass the time. A way to tick by the hours when work was over and the sun had yet to set. She wasn't the best at the arts, as they were not something she had been formally trained to do, but, it was soothing. If anything, her high octane life demanded that she take a breather every now and then.

Stress had a tendency to overwhelm her...tire her out. It was easy to sleep when dreams were blissfully blank. That's why she avoided it, because it wasn't real.

When she'd seen the advertisement for some classes in the newspaper, at first she was a little skeptical. Her fingers had thumbed through the pages slowly, considering each one. There was a cooking class, but that was full, and she was already very skilled at that. There was a knitting class as well, but that seemed to be more of a chore she took on when she needed to mend something…she didn't find any joy from it.

Kickboxing was too rough a sport, and chess was too dull. There were the local anime clubs, but they were filled with strange sorts. The kind of people she didn't want to interact with several times a week. There were also book clubs, but she wasn't an avid reader, and the yoga classes conflicted with her work hours. She enjoyed working, it kept her busy, and she stood over a hot griddle serving home style meals...she refused to give that up.

It left only two options open at her local community center. The painting course was expensive, as it required her to bring her own materials, and the list added up quickly. Lastly, there was the flower arranging course, which while not her first choice by far, was certainly not the least.

Even so if that was the case, she found herself perplexed by the mere idea of it.

"I still thing you'd enjoy kickboxing." Akira crossed her arms as she sat cross from the woman at the kitchen table. "You have the legs for it, no doubt."

"I can't risk injury." Mai said with a shake of her head. "Not only that, but Monday is my late night at the diner."

"Huh, good point." It was back to the drawing board until Akira bit her lip in thought. "You know Mai, if you really think kickboxing is too rough, I do hold a meditation class as well on Saturdays." Akira said conversationally when she noticed her carrot topped sister-in-law seemed to struggle with finding an activity she might enjoy.

"I think it would just put me to sleep." Mai admitted then with a little shrug.

"That's because you work too hard." Akira pointed out. "Why not take a day or two off?"

"It's been so hectic recently, and as much as I don't want to think about it, it won't let up any time soon." Mai closed the book with a sigh, rubbing her tired eyes. "I'd really like to do something relaxing, but meditation has a way of just making me even sleepier."

"At this point, I have half a mind to force you to take a nap." Akira frowned as she went to refill their cups of tea. "Why are you working yourself so hard anyway?"

"Because I want that diner, Akira." Mai said, lifting her eyes to the younger girl's. "Yamada's daughter doesn't want anything to do with running it. He says he'll give it to someone if we can prove we want it badly enough…owning that little place would be my dream." In fact, if Mai were honest, there wasn't anything else she really wanted more in her personal goal than to be a chef…except maybe a mother one day in the distant future.

"Wouldn't you want something new?" Akira asked. "That old hole in the wall isn't exactly keeping up with the times."

"It has everything it needs." Mai said, beginning to rattle off a list. "It's small and manageable, always full of locals, good food, well respected, and I've been working there since high school. What more do I really need? I know the regulars, and that makes things a little easier at least."

"Okay, okay." Akira muttered, wondering why most women she knew chose to be so complicated. "So, then why not choose the flower arranging class?" There was something to be said for being more boyish than girly. Guys just had an easier view of things, more straightforward, or at the very least, they tried to be. "It coincides with your schedule."

"Back to the flowers again…?" Mai asked slowly, unsure of the mere idea. "There's got to be something else."

"The reason I'm suggesting it is because you say you want something to help you relax." Akira wasn't particularly a fan of the art either, but it was relaxing, even if little else. "I kind of know the woman who teaches the class."

"I don't mind giving it a shot." Mai said then, lifting some water to her lips. "I just feel as if that's something rich people do. What if I'm out classed or something?"

"Well, the woman who leads the course is filthy rich." Akira admitted. "It's just that she's pretty active at the community center. I think her family might own it."

"How in the heck do you know a girl like that?" Mai asked then, just a little surprised.

"Mutual respect." Akira shrugged. "That, and she's into weapons training."

Mai shook her head in disbelief. "Sometimes, I really don't get what makes a person like you tick."

"I've been raised by the blades that have been held in my family for generations." Akira told her simply. "That kind of training is hard to explain, it isn't something most people could understand."

…

It was with reluctance that she agreed to go to the community center. It wasn't that she was put off by the idea, merely that she lacked confidence. It was her usual exuberance that quieted the nagging voice, taunting her in the back of her mind. She knew trying new things was an important part of everyday life, but for some reason, she felt as if this was an entirely different can of worms.

That somehow, by opening the door to the room she had been told to go to, that she was opening up a Pandora's Box of sorts. Why she felt that way, she didn't really know, but, she also attempted not to think deeply on it.

She had no idea just what she expected when she walked into the classroom in the late evening before the lecture was supposed to start. However, Mai was positive that the tables themselves were perhaps some of the strangest she'd ever seen. Glass bottles sat in the middle of each table, and around them were several types of dried petals, small vials of oil, and colorful marbles. There were also rows of freshly cut roses, and a few other flowers Mai wasn't positive she knew the names of.

No one else was in the room, but, judging from the time, she doubted anyone would show up._ Well, it is the last class of the day._ Mai reminded herself, feeling silly as she waited for a short time, finding it odd when there was still no one else entering the room. She sat down at the table nearest the front desk, two other vacant chairs alongside of her. The entire thing unsettled her. _Maybe the teacher canceled class for the night? _

Mai was about to get up and leave when finally another woman, one dressed in a fine purple kimono, entered the room. With measured grace she wordlessly closed the door behind her. The woman was slightly taller, but very beautiful, her features unlike anything Mai had ever seen before. The woman with red eyes that glimmered strangely turned off the classroom lights entirely, casting them into darkness. Mai felt her heart drop to the bottom of her gut at first, the events proceeding in a fashion she had not expected.

"Excuse the darkness for a moment if you would be so kind." The teacher said, as a loud clacking sound flipped a switch. It was only then, that a much softer blue light left the room in a glow. "There now." The woman said simply, turning to her lone student. "I am Shizuru Fujino, the instructor of this flower arranging course." After a short bow, she gave the carrot toped woman in front of her a tiny honest smile. "And you are?"

"Mai Tokiha." Mai answered earnestly, a little confused that she was alone with the woman in front of her. "I was under the impression that this was almost a full class of students."

"Oh, it is." Shizuru assured her as she began to prepare a few cups of warmed water. "This class holds around fifteen on any given day." As she prepared each one with a different type of flower petal, she also allowed her crimson eyes to give her student a once over, mentally making note of her casual appearance. "The rest of my students are currently engrossed with tonight's topic, I like to meet each new pupil before they officially start. Tonight is strictly for you and I."

"Oh…" Mai hadn't expected that, and scratched the back of her head a bit awkwardly. "Alright…"

"I find that many of my students come from backgrounds involving interior design, or perhaps landscaping. Some are art students looking to understand more innovative ways to make their showpieces pop out to the eye. Others I instruct due to their upbringing, although normally if that is the case, I'm hired as a private tutor." Shizuru explained, her words flowing freely from her lips in a gentle, soothing way. "Of course with such a verity of different needs, it's important that I speak with each student." After a few moments as she came to sit at the table. "Are you also here for supplemental learning?"

"No, it's more for relaxation than anything." The close proximity made her uncomfortable, and yet, it wasn't entirely unwelcome. There was some level of scrutiny there, Mai was sure, but there was also something else. Something that was kept distantly at the edges of Shizuru's eyes.

"I haven't heard that one in a while." Shizuru said, purely conversationally at best as she poured some tea. "Here you are. A blend iconic to this class, a fine rose tea, to compliment the lesson I've arranged for you. Could you perhaps tell me any past experience you might have had with flowers or decoration?"

_Is it warmth that I see in her eyes?_ Mai asked herself. _Kindness maybe…or...no, it can't be humor, can it?_ Try as thought she might, Mai couldn't be sure. _Why is she so unreadable and yet so friendly?_ She reached for the tea, taking a sip. The flavor was a pleasant one. _I've never really had a good white tea before, but this isn't too bad._ She thought to herself, taking a more steady drink of the warm liquid. Shizuru seemed to be waiting for her to answer the question at hand, and Mai sighed, setting down the simple teal tea cup that occupied her attention.

"I'm a short order cook at my day job." Mai admitted slowly, still a bit unsure of what to think about the woman in front of her. "I don't really know anything about flowers, only herbs and dried spices, and even that is limited."

"Well, that I can help with." Shizuru said with a soft laugh, jotting down a few notes before taking a sip of her own tea. "I'll admit, I'm more of a stickler for finer details when the person's future depends on it. Tonight, for example, the class is touring the winter garden, writing down the flowers that most interest them. After I've determined what the vast majority of the class would like to work with, I'll add those flowers to the lesson plans. Although, I must admit, I don't often consider herbs or other edibles to add to the arrangements."

"I'm kind of glad you don't." Mai laughed. "It would be weird dealing with even more food after spending a day in the kitchens."

"Well, perhaps you're right about that." Shizuru considered the empty pot on the table that she'd already sectioned off with clear tape. "I would suggest you invest in an apron, one you don't mind getting dirty. As much as I enjoy working with a vase, I prefer potted plants. We often use them here. Tonight, I thought I might work with you on an assortment of already prepared flowers."

Mai nodded slowly. "Okay, so, what do I do first?"

"Well, for a person such as yourself, it may be best to skip the rigorous study of a book and just dive right in." Shizuru moved the vase towards Mai, the flowers already delicately waiting off to the side. "Now, generally anything that can hold water can be used when making a flower arrangement. Sometimes we use a piece of foam to support the flowers, but other times, we simply section off our vessel in a manner such as this." Shizuru lifted the first of many roses, considering the many colors that lay before them. "Picture it as if it were any other art form. The vase is the canvas, and the flowers are the colors with which you must paint…in that, do what feels right."

Mai nodded, taking the flower into her fingertips, feelings the stem as gently as possible, noting how neatly it had been trimmed and cared for. Taking a breath, she nodded. "Okay then, but, I can promise it will be very good."

One by one, she set the flowers in the pot, praying the entire time that it was good enough, wondering how come the sudden attention to her movements seemed to bother her so much. _They're just flowers…_ She thought to herself, although in truth, it was much less the plants in front of her, and more the crimson eyes that unnerved her. She wondered what her tutor might be thinking, though she made no indication of what she thought of Mai's efforts. _It's not like it really means anything…_ Her mind tried to enforce, but deep down, that was entirely the problem.

With all of the roses in the pot, she's taken to filling gaps with a flower known as baby's breath, a white flower with thin stems. They were easy to tangle, to weave between the other stems…a gap filler and little more, as Shizuru told her, but even that mere thought troubled Mai. _Then again, nothing I ever do really means anything in the grand scheme, now does it?_

"Miss Tokiha, are you quite alright?" Shizuru asked her, feeling as if somehow her student had gotten lost somewhere within the depths of her mind.

"Yes, I'm fine." Mai said quietly. "I just don't think there is any more to add to this, do you?"

Shizuru considered the girl in front of her, and then the arrangement. "Your mind is cluttered, your art reflects that." Shizuru said, having watched with great attention to detail how often Mai would overcrowded a space, or left a much larger gap in the arrangement. "Take a moment to view the focal point of the piece you've made. Study it, and think about why you've made the piece you have."

"I don't really know why." Mai said with a shrug. "I guess I'm not really good at this, am I?" She asked, a frown on her face.

"It isn't bad, not for a first try." Shizuru explained as she pulled a few of the flowers from their space, moving them into a different position. "Flowers are delicate, and some like to live bunched up together in a big knot. Others need a little space to flourish. They each have their own living conditions, and their own lifespan. There's color choices to always consider, as well as the age old question of whether or not to use foam as a support." Shizuru said, having adjusted the piece only slightly. "Those are things I can teach you…however, I'm unable to teach you the answers to your unspoken questions."

Mai wasn't sure how to swallow down the lump in her throat, hearing the words as she did. Knowing that Shizuru could see the wavering in every little movement she made, and even told Mai as such.

It was an unnerving wave of emotion that didn't go away that sleepless night, or during the madness of cooking in the back kitchen the next day. All that she knew, was that deep down, she wanted something more gratifying.

...

To know that her life was lack luster at best, and that somehow arranging flowers reflected those unsteady emotions that Mai tried to keep concealed really dug under her skin...it annoyed her, provoking her relentlessly.

"I swear, I'm going crazy." Mai told her boss as she continued to work in the kitchen. It was something that came to her easily. The one accomplishment that she felt had any merit. "I mean, do you think that my new sensei is out of line, or am I just taking things too hard?"

"You're tired." The older man grumbled.

"I'm not that tired." Mai said with a shake of her head.

"You're tired…" He repeated. "Also thinking too hard." The older gentleman who owned the place said as he counted the cash in the register. "She simply gave you her opinion. You can't let that unbalance your life." He muttered through gritted teeth as he blew cigar smoke out of his nose.

"Well, isn't that the problem?" Mai asked. "My entire life is already off kilter."

He licked his lips, and drew deeply from the cigar in his mouth. "She hardly knows you." He finally said through a billow of smoke. "Don't worry."

"But she hit the nail right on the head, didn't she?" Mai asked, the simple question was more to her.

And Yamada knew that. "So what if she did?" He husked. "Does it change anything?" He watched as the carrot top shrugged, trying perhaps, to brush aside the hesitancy she felt.

"I'm not used to strangers doing that, especially so candidly." Mai explained, flipping a patty of red meat over onto the sizzling flat top. "Only one who's ever really come close is Natsuki." Her action speaking all of her frustration as she tossed some sliced potato for a different order into the deep fryer.

"Well, what were you hoping for?" He asked her, a question muttered so quietly, it would leave Mai guessing. It would be up to her if she wanted to answer it or not.

She took the risk, because she knew he would never judge. "I don't know what I was expecting….but it wasn't that." She shook her head with a sigh, knowing it was silly to be upset about it. "Maybe my teacher is right about me." Mai told him. "Maybe I do have a lot of unanswered questions in my life."

"Mai, there's not a single human alive who doesn't." Yamada told her, slamming the metal cash drawer closed. "You're just taking her words to heart." His lips were dry, so he pulled a flask from his pocket. "You shouldn't." He went on to say before sipping on the liquor kept within.

"It would be easier of life just sort of made every decision for me." Mai laughed, dishing up some hash browns and ringing a bell before returning to one of her other orders. "At least then I won't have any questions at all."

"Hnn." He grunted, jetting more smoke through his nose as a patron that he knew well entered the small dinner. "Well, don't you look pissy." He chuckled to himself. "What crawled up your ass and died today, l Natsuki."

"Hey Pops, cut it out." A familiar voice said, as she neared the counter. "It's been a day from hell."

"Didn't think it would be sunshine and kittens." He muttered to her. "Never really is according to your tight little ass."

"You're fault. You raised me." The dark haired girl said, though a half smirk found her lips for a moment. Then, she called over the open window into the kitchen. "Mai, got any food back there?"

Mai peaked out, looking at Yamada's adopted daughter, clad in her biking leathers, as was always the case. "Already on it, making the usual." Mai said as she regarded the girl with emerald colored eyes, who was usually very unapproachable. "Let me guess, Nat, double mayo kind of day?"

"Double shot kind of day." Natsuki groused, pealing her hands out of her gloves. "The idiots are out in force, and my bike has a flat."

"Well how'd ya do that?" He asked, knowing that Natsuki wasn't the most careful driver, but she loved her bike.

She frowned at the man behind the counter, lifting the cause of her distress. "Rusty nail…"

"Did you walk here?" Yamada asked as he pulled his flask from his jacket, handing it to Natsuki. She was too young to be drinking, but he didn't particularly mind.

"Well, I sure as hell wasn't popping wheelies down the freeway." Natsuki said back, unscrewing the lid and taking a sip before handing it back.

"Order up." Mai said, having plated the hamburger she had been making before and the fries, Mayo jar placed atop the metal slab so that Natsuki could use as much as she wanted. "Just don't ruin it with that white slop."

"You look like a raccoon dog." Natsuki told her friend, the tactless remark her only hint that she was concerned about seeing the dark circles under her friend's eyes.

"I didn't sleep well last night." Mai answered through a painted on grin, slapped haphazardly across her face. She knew Natsuki could tell, but was just as thankful the dark haired woman wouldn't comment on it.

"Take the afternoon off." The Yamada finally muttered as he flicked some ashes into a metal try he kept for just such occasion. "Make some lunch, take it to the hospital."

"Takumi's on the heart floor." Mai said then. "He can't eat this stuff."

"Well, at least go visit. His wife is there too, ain't she?" He groused. "Be back to close, we'll call it even."

"Thanks, Yamada." Mai said, as she nodded, untying her apron.

"Nao's already up there." Natsuki said loud enough for Mai's benefit before looking to the man who raised her. "Let me give her a ride at least."

Yamada fished around in his pocket for his car keys, and with a shrug he tossed them to Natsuki. "Get mayo on my new leather and you're dead."

"Pops, come on." Natsuki grinned. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"A pain in my ass who thinks she's tough shit." He said before slapping his large hand on the side of the counter. "Akane, Mai's taking off. Need you in the back. Hop to it."

"Coming!" Mai and Natsuki could hear the other short order cook call out as they made a swift exit through the back.

...

Mai wouldn't be able to thank Yamada enough for his support of her life, with her little brother being as ill as he was. It was that loyalty that kept her working even while exhausted. He paid well, and saw the truth for what it was. He was a simple man, guided by even simpler ideals. In that way, he would forever be a rock solid support in her often crumbling life.

She was worried about Takumi, always had been, and until he had a new heart, always will be.

Even after Takumi got married, he was still her only family. Her baby brother. She couldn't just leave the matters at hand to Akira, even though, deep down she knew she could. If it was just fear that crept up on her, or because she honestly didn't know any other way to live her life, she wasn't sure.

All that Mai knew was that she felt better being with him, near the doctors so that she could have firsthand information.

As she walked down the long corridors that were well mapped out in her head, she knew she would eventually reach the room he stayed in. When she got there, he was still resting peacefully. His long ruddy hair was disheveled around his face. Quietly and carefully, so as not to wake him, she trimmed his bangs while he slept. "I wish all of life's problems were so easy to fix." She murmured to the boy that was fresh out of high school. He didn't stir, but she knew that he wouldn't because he was such a heavy sleeper.

One look at his heart monitor, and she could tell his blood pressure was still elevated. "And you tell me that I need to take it easy, look at you…"

With a sigh, she sat down next to him, unaware that just outside the corridor, two very skilled women were eavesdropping. They sat outside in the waiting room, a bug planted behind one of the picture frames in Takumi's room. They just sat, listening to Mai, her quiet sobs not loud enough to wake her brother…ending expertly as soon as Mai suspected that the young man would open his eyes.

Even when he woke, suspecting his sister's distress, she denied the claim, and the siblings spoke amongst themselves.

Shizuru listened, feeling the weight of Mai's voice, a tangible pain hidden so expertly, she doubted that many others would really know where the pang of emotion stemmed from. Shizuru even felt lost by it herself, unsure of where it had disappeared to when the man had woken from slumber.

Mai's night and day reactions were a concern…she was trying to be strong…but, perhaps too strong.

"How long?" Shizuru asked her friend and fellow combat specialist, careful to keep her voice low and her words discrete.

"A while, I guess." Akira said then, more willing to hand out information in the otherwise empty waiting room. "I met Takumi in middle school, so when I'd met him, he was already sick. Mai's been the only one to look out for him."

"She acts as if she's his mother." Shizuru replied, turning to face Akira, trying to discern the truth of her own statement.

"She might as well be." Akira shrugged. "Their mom died when they were kids."

"What about their father?" Shizuru said, feeling a twinge of surprise.

"Works overseas on an oil rig." Akira said with a sigh. "I don't think he comes around, but I know he calls and sends money. Takumi says that the job is dangerous, but the pay is good."

"So she has been on her own for a long time." Shizuru thought to herself aloud as she tapped one finger on the wall she leaned on. "Doesn't she confide in any friends?"

"Look, I'm not doing this because I want to." Akira said aloofly. "Takumi asked me to help, but to do it as privately as possible. He doesn't want Mai to know how worried he really is, so that's why I'm asking you about what you think."

"It doesn't sound like an average depression." Shizuru said after some thought. "She's a strong girl, pained…but, I don't she needs a shrink, if that's what you're asking." She closed her eyes, trying to detect the pangs of sadness that Mai seemed to so easily conceal, even if she sometimes faltered in her task. "I believe that this is beyond my ken, however, and I would think you might want to explore this further."

"You know that's not what I'm asking." Akira said, her hand resting over her pocket where a well concealed knife made of glass lay waiting. "I know that you know exactly what's wrong." It was a worried tell of hers, and she made the action often when her mind felt bogged down by the weight of the choices in her life. "Get her to calm down and take a few steps back…she needs it, or she's going to crack one of these days….like Takumi said, she's been strong long enough."

"She's lonely." Shizuru told Akira. "If you want my opinion, that's what it is." Shizuru could hear it in Mai's voice. The unspoken scream, as if there was a ghost waving frantically to be noticed, a lost voice buried by a well-crafted facade. "A flower arranging class isn't going to just fix her life, Akira." Shizuru said, but even as she did, she pulled the earbud out of her ear, handing it back to the shorter woman. "If it could, my life would surely be a lot less complicated than it already is. I'm in no condition to be easing her burdens, I have plenty of my own."

"I'm just saying…consider it an undercover mission of sorts." Akira said, as she licked her lips, itching for a good fight with an old friend. "You've been bored for a while, and this is probably a great idea for your training. All of the combat training in the world won't do you any good if you don't start to get to know people."

"That's a bit of a strong assumption coming from you." Shizuru said with a smile, one that didn't hold under Akira's gaze.

"A person's mind is their strongest weapon." The ninja returned. "Understanding the opponent at hand is perhaps the most difficult challenge."

"I'll consider it training, perhaps." Shizuru said slowly. "She's still my student, so at the very least, I'll keep an eye on her in my class."

"Shizuru, our families may practice two very different types of combat, but, we've been training together for years." Her tongue could become like a lance, cutting through Shizuru's often withdrawn and fragile emotions. "That's why I know you…and I know that you're terrified of others. Maybe it's time you step out of that shell of yours before someone really cracks it."

"Is this an order?" Shizuru asked with a displeased frown.

"It's a challenge." Akira returned.

"Akira, I understand what you're trying to do, but I do not require your help." Shizuru told her good friend. "I'm fine, truly."

"I've heard that line before." Akira said, the edges of her features still hardened by her training, cold, and sharp. "Too many people around me say it, but none of you mean it."

"Perhaps we do, and you simply lack faith." Shizuru said, but her words fell flat, shattering, when Akira met her eye to eye, unflinchingly and unwaveringly. "I will look after Mai while she's in my class, I assure you...but, this is all that I can promise."

"I expected better out of you, Shizuru." It was one of the benefits of the arts, being able to cut to the quick and justified heart of the matter. It was a deadly assassin's greatest skill, a ninja's primary shield, and to master such a thing lead to a greater understand…a more distinct type of enlightenment. "You need to learn to protect something besides your own fears for a change, and I'm sure Mai won't give you an easy time of it."

"For you to say such a thing, I'm sure she will not." Shizuru nodded. "However, that it why I desire to keep maters at arms length."

…

Maybe it was a futile effort from the start...

_What does one protect, if not themselves?_ Shizuru asked herself absentmindedly as she paced up and down the front of the classroom, rambling about the pansy plant, and the care it often required. _Even to protect others is not a selfless action, but one done out of a need to preserve human life…perhaps, in that way, mankind is often more cruel to prolong what should be ended. _It was a mindset given to her in training, kill quickly, and do not permit suffering. _Mankind as a rule always tends to protect our own sense of right and wrong, others be damned…so, why is it, Akira, that you ask me to stray from that normality?_

Shizuru steadied herself inwardly as she cleared her throat. "The pansy plant is in the same division as the Magnoliophyta, and is thusly classified as a magnoliopside." She wrote notes on the chalkboard, though she would never test others on the information she gave them, she knew some in the class would value the information. She identified the scientific names and classifications of the plant because it was an easy thing to do.

Not to mention, the textbook answers were not always unwelcome. She had gotten a degree in botany, not because she required it, but because she felt as if she had to prove herself worthy in as many ways as possible.

"The name pansy is derived from the French word, pensie, meaning thought or remembrance." She said then as she put down her chalk. "Some of you may be interested to note that it is in fact an edible species of tricolored blooms. The ancestor is a plant known as the viola. Do keep in mind though, that the viola is a rather large genus that contains over five hundred species." With that, Shizuru smiled to herself. It was also her mother's maiden name, not that she would ever say as much to her pupils.

"I thought that the viola were a family of violets." One of her other students said, tapping her pen on her notebook. "We covered violets last term, and I was almost positive that you classified violets under viola."

"Wonderful question, Miss Kikukawa. The viola contains both branches." Shizuru nodded. "Pansies are loved for their perkiness, and as what some would call a face flower. We use them as showpieces, and edibles in salads. Violets are most notable for their scents that help make a wide range of perfume."

"If you can eat them, what do they taste like?" Another girl asked, this one much younger than most other students.

Shizuru smiled in spite of herself, knowing this girl since the day she had been born…a young sister to a good friend she knew. "I haven't a clue, Mikoto. Just because you can east something doesn't always mean that you should." Then she turned to the chalkboard again. "That having been said, they're known to have high levels of vitamins A and C."

"They're sweet when used properly to make syrup." Mai blurted out quietly.

"You have something to add, Miss Tokiha?" Shizuru asked.

"Um, sorry about that…" Mai said. "You can make honey from edible flowers by making a simple syrup…"

"Have you ever done that?" Shizuru asked her.

The carrot top shook her head. "Only eaten them." Mai said averting her eyes slightly. "They have kind of a strong flavor." Mai shrugged. "You also put them as garnish in soups sometimes…but only really expensive places do something like that."

_Uncanny woman, aren't you, Miss Tokiha?_ Shizuru asked herself with a smirk. _There is more to you than first meets the eye… _The thought, while one that begged for answers was not one she would be allowed to ask at the moment, so she moved on from the textbook part of the class onto a more freeform project that she had been meaning to get to.

"Those of you taking notes may close your books." Shizuru said. "Please gather your baskets that you've chosen and place them off to the side."

"Aww, but I thought we were going to paint them!" Mikoto chirped.

Shizuru shook her head. "Not in here." She then addressed the class. "You'll want to go to a well-ventilated space to spray your paint of choice to on the wicker basket. We'll be going outside for that part of the project, but until that time please locate the slide in lingers and acquire one that fits your basket." Shizuru instructed as the class did as they were told.

She noticed some were better prepared than others, and waited for the class to settle. "Somewhere on your table, you should see the pea gravel from other projects, go ahead not and cover the bottom with it." She flicked her eyes over to one of her problem students. "Mikoto, too much."

"Okay Sensei!" The girl chirped, but hadn't quite grasped the concept as some spilled over the plastic liner.

"Yukino, could you assist Mikoto through the project?" Shizuru asked, receiving a nod. "Wonderful!" She said, thankful she would not have to hold up the rest of the class. "Now then, remove the pansies from their containers, and after doing so, carefully set the root ball gently over the gravel."

"Sensei, mine are all tangled." Another girl in the class said.

"They will be, and that's just fine." Shizuru nodded. "Not to worry, the roots will care for themselves." She lifted her clear container for the class to see. "It should look something like this. Having done that, cover the root ball with moss." As she brushed her hands free of some tiny particles of debris, she took a drink of the tea on her desk to wet her lips. "The upkeep for this particular type of plant is fairly simple. Just water the moss when it dries out. A little sun here and there, and it's perfect for a small table decoration."

After the instructional period, she sent the class outside with their chosen can of spray paint, telling them to cover and decorate the basket till their hearts content. It was a graded project, so many left to go outside without complaint. It was Mai however, who seemed troubled as she pondered fabric choices instead, cutting a length of blue and white plaid ribbon. "Tokiha, do you not plan to paint your basket?"

She looked up from her work of tying an elaborate bow around the middle. "Oh, umm…" She looked down at the wicker basket she'd brought in. As instructed, it was a lighter wood, and now she knew why her teacher had asked them to do that. "You always say that the location of plant in question should always take priority when choosing a vessel. Well, this particular plant isn't going to a place where paint would be ideal."

"I take it that you mean the hospital?" Shizuru asked, causing Mai to stiffen visibly. It was a chance, and Shizuru took it. "My friend shares your last name…hyphenated, of course, but it still stands." She took another sip of tea. "Her husband is your little brother, correct?"

Mai's violet eyes avoided Shizuru's crimson ones. "Yes." She said quietly, forcing a smile. "He's doing well."

"Then I'm glad." Shizuru said, knowing it was merely a ruse Mai seemed to toss up in front of her. "No paint then, but as I tend to recall, I did say this would be a graded assignment, so you'll be docked points of you skimp on the details."

Mai's smile fell, her voice gaining a slight edge. "Well then, I guess I'll just have to be sure that I won't disappoint."

Shizuru nodded, and headed outside to check on the rest of her pupils, who were busy nattering away about color schemes, closing the door behind her, leaning heavily against it. _Alright Tokiha, it seems like we have to switch up your training a little bit._ Shizuru thought to herself, her lower lip pulling between her teeth. _The only question is, how does one truly go about that?_

Shaking herself of her worry, she let her eyes focus on Mikoto, who was covered in paint, and realized for not the first time that there were in fact other students who also required a guiding hand.

…

Mai had made it for him…but as she leaned heavily on her counter in the apartment, she couldn't stop staring at it…that infuriatingly cheery basket, with droopy flowers, wilting in front of her. She wasn't sure if it was too much water, or not enough sun, but she felt as if the flowers were dying a slow, protracted death. She swallowed hard, toying with the material of the bow, feeling the fabric between her thumb and first finger.

A week had passed since then, and every project she'd made had yielded the same result. A project that was docked points for several reasons, and she soon realized her heart was not into it, and she skipped class the following day. She thought that maybe no one would care that she had gone missing for just a few hours, that she could blissfully forget that she was even needed in the first place.

_But, if I'm not needed, then there's no point for me to even be here…_ Mai reprimanded herself, refusing to think that. Her brother did need her, and she needed him. _I got to keep it together, for his sake…_ She told herself, swallowing hard. _I promised mom I'd look after him, so, that's what I've got to do…_ The mental order wasn't enough though, because she still felt tired...completely and entirely exhausted emotionally.

Her phone rang, and even thought she knew who was going to call her this evening, she still felt annoyed as she pressed the answer button. "Hello?"

"Hello, Miss Tokiha, this is Shizuru Fujino speaking." The woman on the other end of the line said. "When you didn't show for tonight's class, I was concerned. You didn't leave a notice."

"I was busy." Mai said quietly.

"So busy in fact, that you've not answered your phone for anyone all day?" Shizuru asked her, knowing that to be entirely the case. "Akira's worried."

"I was caught up at work, came home and fell asleep." Mai said tiredly. "I didn't feel up to coming to class. If Akira's put you up to calling me, please, don't worry. Everything's fine."

"It's my obligation to check in with my students." Shizuru explained. "Especially those who struggle in my class."

"Well, I'm starting to think that's not a very good idea anymore." Mai said, trying to find strength in her voice. "Anyway, I'm kind of tired and I-"

"Open the door." Shizuru interrupted softly, ever so gently.

"M-my door?" Mai said lifting herself from her place near the counter. "Why?" She neared her apartment's front door before closing her phone. Taking a breath, she did eventually open the door, wondering if her eyes were deceiving her. "What are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Shizuru said, handing Mai a plastic bag. "Tonight's project was a lesson on tulips."

"I have work…" It was a weak protest, Mai knew…but it was her only one.

"And, I have a class to teach, so are you going to let me in, or aren't you?" Shizuru said, an honesty dancing in her crimson eyes, gentle but unwavering.

Mai slowly stepped to the side, feeling as if her entire world had shaken itself sideways, as her teacher unraveled the long scarf she had worn with her jacket. When Mai looked into the bag, she noticed there weren't any flowers in side of it, but rather something else in a small can. "Um…Sensei…"

"Shizuru." The older woman said.

"Well, Shizuru…what does this have to do with tulips?" Mai said, feeling even more confused than before. Opening the can, she realized a candle lay within.

Instead of giving a proper answer, a small and easy going smile was all that she offered. "Go get into something comfortable, and I shall do the same." Shizuru shook her head when Mai seemed about to protest again. "I'm going to change up your recommended learning. I'd like for you to trust me."

So, Mai got into a black tank top and a pair of loose fitting pajama pants, sighing as when she exited her room, Shizuru was also out of the bathroom dressed a silken Kimono, her hair let down from the bun it had been in when she arrived earlier. The lights were off, and only the single candle flickered in the dark room, the soothing scent of vanilla wafting around them.

"Come here and sit down." Shizuru said, patting the blanket she had placed upon the floor for this exercise.

Mai did as she was told, but her uncertainty screamed from the depths of her eyes. "Okay, so what now."

"Talk." Shizuru told her, taking Mai's hand in her own, starting to gently massage it.

"I don't really have anything to talk about." Mai shrugged, starting to feel unnerved, her gut turning upside down.

"Everyone has secrets." Shizuru began to say after she realized that Mai wasn't going to be forthcoming with information. It was to be expected, so Shizuru kept her words calm and quiet. "Truths they would rather keep hidden…things they feel are better left unsaid. I know that's the easy way to think…but, it's the hard way to live."

"Did training with Akira teach you that?" Mai asked then.

"Life taught me that." Shizuru corrected, she lifted her eyes to Mai's for a mere moment, taking Mai's other hand in hers, repeating the process. "It's taught me a great deal of things, but such lessons were not so easy to come by."

"This is supposed to be a class about flowers, right?" Their eyes met for a moment, the shared ruse between them.

"Akira talks to me, confides quite deeply of her concerns." Shizuru forced her eyes back on her task. "I'm sure you understand." She said quietly.

"Then you're wrong." Mai returned. "I don't really understand." She pulled her arm slowly from Shizuru's grasp. "Besides, I still don't get why you're so concerned all of a sudden. I'm just tired, it's been a long week."

"And a long few months." Shizuru added. "And a long year...then a long decade...over all, it's been a long life." She shook her head. "You can't pretend that smile of yours isn't fading, because it is." She reached for the tea steeping in the pot, and poured two small mugs. "So, you can choose to continue on, pretending, lying only to yourself…or, you can have some tea."

"It's just stress." Mai said with a shake of her head. "Besides, I don't really want to be a burden."

Shizuru handed her the tea, crimson eyes soft, but probing. "an interesting way to think, wrong though it is." A searching gaze that didn't burn like Mai thought it might, and yet, it was far too deep for any sort of comfort. "Admitting that you aren't holding up as well as you'd like everyone to think isn't being a burden."

"Yes." Mai said. "It is."

"It's being truthful." Shizuru replied slowly, taking a sip of her own much sought after tea. "You should have something warm to drink."

Mai did partake of the tea, but she said nothing as she sipped on it, the flavor was one unlike any other.

"Continue coming to class, Mai." Shizuru said quietly. "Do so, and you might actually surprise yourself."

"I'll think about it." Mai said after a few moments. "But I can't promise anything."

"You already did, unknowingly, when you drank the tea. When you gave enough trust to reach out and partake." Shizuru said quietly. "As I said before, you could go on pretending, or you could drink some tea with me."

"It is good tea, but I don't understand what that has to do with anything." Mai said, to which Shizuru merely smiled.

"This is a rose tea, most notably a Christmas rose tea." She offered Mai a smile then. "The meaning of the Christmas rose is entirely up to interpretation, but in general it means to allay disquiet…or rather 'allay my disquiet' as the phrase often used goes." She took another sip. "I will not betray you…but you must trust in me to understand."

…

It was a promise Mai made with hesitancy. There weren't many who could understand her need to work into exhaustion, least she dream of her worst fears. There were even fewer who could accept that she always put her brother's needs first, at the expense of her own. The ones that did understand worried, of course, but didn't nag her. They didn't have the luxury, nor the position to do so.

It was a mixed blessing perhaps. They were the ones she would listen to the most, and yet, they never said a word to her about her health. Instead, they enabled her, bringing food with them to Takumi's room, waited with her during his tests day and night, and on those rare days when she was sick or emotionally unable to leave her bed, they were the ones who looked after her.

It wasn't ideal by far, but nothing about the situation at hand ever would be. Knowing this, they had made their own family, when they'd had none…it wasn't normal for outsiders, but they couldn't have cared less about that. As Mai sat down in her brother's hospital room, she moved an empty booze flask she knew belonged to one of her friends, and a pipe that belonged to another.

"What do they think they're doing in here?" Mai said quietly, lifting the objects and putting them on the end table.

"It's not like Nao actually smokes in here." Takumi shrugged through a grin, adjusting the sheets that were bugging him. "And I think Natsuki's flask is empty."

"I would kill Nao if she smoked in the room." Mai said, crossing her arms.

Her brother rolled his eyes. "Only if Akira didn't get to her first."

"Never mind that." The nurse in the room said then. "I would be the first in line…"

"I don't doubt it." Mai laughed through a yawn… it was the umpteenth one today.

"Mai, it's just a hearth cath. It's really no big deal…I mean think about it, how many of these have I had in my life? It's old news." Takumi protested as he twisted the wristband on his arm. "Go home, and I'll have Akira call you after she talks to the doctor and gets the results."

"Seven total, if you really want to know." Mai told him, having kept count since he was a small boy. "I don't care what you say, I'm staying here until I talk to the doctor myself."

"Oh, come on sis." Takumi rolled his eyes. "You're being unreasonable, it's just a routine test."

"You're being too complacent." Mai told him, handing him a small cup of water to take with the pills the nurse had brought him.

"Nurse Yohko, Tell Mai to go home." He said looking at the woman who was busy checking his vitals. "She's going to fall asleep sitting there again, I just know it."

"Takumi, some wars are never going to be won. If could never get her to go home as a teenager, what makes you think I could begin to start now?" She said smiling at him, before turning to Mai. She did look very sleepy. "Though I do think she should go rest for a few hours, or at the very least have something to eat at the cafeteria."

"No need…she can eat here." Natsuki said walking in, a paper bag crumped in one hand. "Pops thought you guys might be hungry…sent me up here with chicken sandwiches." Her emerald eyes cut to Takumi, worry hidden well behind her cool mask of indifference towards him. "Lay off of your sister, she's here because of you." Natsuki told him, sitting beside Mai in the other empty chair.

"Thanks Natsuki, but why two." Mai said with a soft smile. As she opened the bag to see two small sandwiches on the inside, along with two very thickly wrapped hamburgers.

"There's a half of one for Takumi in there." Natsuki shrugged. "Pops ranted something about hospital food not being worth shit… I wasn't exactly listening."

"I would often be inclined to agree." The nurse said, looking at the one that Mai handed to her. She looked at it, folded in the paper and nodded to herself. "After the procedure, I don't see any harm in letting Takumi have this."

"Are you sure?" Mai asked, raising an eyebrow. "Yamada doesn't know how to cook healthy food."

"A strong mental constitution is just as important for recovery." The nurse shrugged. "That little bit of mayo isn't going to hurt him, and it's not as if it looks saturated in grease. I'll inform the doctor doing the rounds, but honestly, a half of a chicken sandwich is the least of what could ail him at this time."

"It's not even mayo." Natsuki muttered. "It's that fat free knock off crap."

"Well, either way, I don't mind." The nurse said. "I'm on tonight, so I'll be here to take the blame for it."

"Natsuki, thank Jesus, I'm fucking starving!" Another person said walking into the room. "Hey toots…mom's room could use a new light bulb for her bedside lamp." She said waving off the nurse as she walk by.

"I'll get on it later, Nao." Yohko said with a roll of her eyes. "As you can see, I'm a little busy." Then she turned to Takumi. "You take it easy. No eating before the cath, and keep drinking to a minimum."

"I think he knows the routine.." Nao said with a roll of her eyes as she finally made it over to Natsuki. "Babe, tell me you brought me something to eat." Nao said, taking a seat on Natsuki's lap, prompting a blush from her girlfriend for the overt public display.

"How is your mom?" Natsuki asked, handing Nao a thick double beef patty with extra cheese and ketchup before diving into her own glop covered hamburger. "Did they finally find anything?"

"No." Nao said in an angry half growl. "When they pull their thumbs out of their asses and finally test her, they say it's the same brain activity as always. She's active, just not waking up."

"It takes time, Nao." Mai said, as she set her meal off to the side, deciding to that she would eat with her brother later, and placed it into the small side fridge he kept in his long stay private room. "She'll wake up eventually."

"She better do it soon." Nao sighed. "Otherwise all of this reading I've been doing is just a damn waste of time." She looked up at the clock. "What time is the heart cath?"

"They'll be taking him for prep within the hour." Mai said as she checked her watch. "Akira will be here soon, won't she?"

"After she gets done with her students at the dojo." Takumi nodded. "But Mai, promise me once she gets here that you'll go home."

"I'm not making any promises Takumi." She told him.

"Dude, chill out. We got this." Nao told him, smelling of pot, and cigarettes. "If there one thing the three of us are good at, it's settling in for the long haul." Then she nudged Natsuki's shoulder, nodding her head towards the door. "I'm going for a smoke, coming with?"

"You're going to have an ashtray for lungs." Natsuki muttered as she stood. "You promised me you'd quit." She folded her half eaten meal in the paper and carried it in one hand, giving a glance to Mai. "We'll be back to sit with you before they take him down."

"Yeah, it'll take less than five." Nao nodded as they exited the room. "When my mom wakes up, I'll quit." Nao shot back at something Natsuki muttered only loud enough for Nao to hear as the two girls bantered down the hallway. "That was the deal."

Mai sighed and shook her head while Takumi grinned, it was never a dull moment when Nao was around. "Well, we may not have a lot of blood relatives, but you can't say we don't have an insane family." The man said to his sister.

"I still say we might as well buy out a few rooms and turn this place into an apartment complex." Mai told tom, leaning back in her chair. "Doesn't Nao ever go home?"

"You're sitting on it." Takumi told her. "Who do you think takes the night watch when Akira has to go back to the dojo?"

"Akira should be here for you." Mai fired back through a yawn.

"She visits every day, and when I need her, she comes." Takumi smiled, as he watched the all too familiar sight of his sister trying not to fall asleep beside him. "But unlike my sister who doesn't listen to reason, my wife actually has good sense and knows she has to take good care of herself." He said, smacking Mai in the face with one of his pillows. "At least lay down sis, or you're going to raise my blood pressure."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here ya go Beth, the next chapter...but first, an address to those who might be wondering why I'm doing this.

I'm a self-indulgent writer when it comes to fan fiction, I admit that. I write what I feel at the time, whenever my whims dictate that I should. That's why some fictions get more love and attention than others, any why sometimes these seemingly obscure pairings pop up from time to time. I'm not asking the FFN community to love this, because I know 90% (likely more) would never search for "Mai/Shizuru". However it was precisely because 1 person, 1 very good friend wanted it so badly that I nodded my head to it.

This friend is unquestionably more important to me, and more fundamental to my works, than most will ever know. I owed it to her to write this, as this was a mutual desire to explore outside of average pairings. It suits us at this time, and, if it suits me, I do it…simple as that.

So, for those that enjoyed the first chapter, and don't mind the obscure, self-indulgent ways that Beth and I find our enjoyment, here's the second chapter…for those of you that find this pairing irksome, don't torture yourself by reading things you know you will not enjoy. It isn't pleasant for anyone when you do that.

**Lilies and Lilacs  
>Part two of three.<strong>

There was something distinct about the sterile smell of a hospital, and no matter what Natsuki tried to do, she couldn't expunge the scent from her clothes, especially not her leathers that seemed to absorb the scent that tortured her. She would wash her leathers time and time again, but the stink of the place she hated most wouldn't ever leave her.

Natsuki considered this as a whiff of antiseptic drifted beyond her nose, making it crinkle in objection. She rubbed at it, trying to force the passing annoyance away from her very being as soon as could be afforded.

In doing so, she also admitted that failure to escape the scent would likely make her ill. Hospitals were bad, because her memories were equally unwelcome, and just as intrusive to gut as the smells themselves. She wouldn't admit that aloud if she could help it, but, with Mai and Nao around, she never really had to. Maybe, they were her only luxury, and she would put herself through hell to afford them.

To help them pay for their emotional struggles that seemed endless.

"Stupid…" Nao groused from beside her. "You don't have to sit here." Absently, she shoved another potato chip into her mouth, crunching on it with the same bored expression she had with all the others before it. "Go find something to do."

"The same goes for you, Nao." Mai said, though her eyes never left the small television, and the movie playing on it. "You don't have to sit here all day either." They'd seen it before, countless times. A comfort in the old film that flickered in front of them. Every line repeatable, every scene something they could so easily describe. "Takumi and I can amuse ourselves for a few hours."

"Tell that to him..." Nao groused, lime green eyes lifting to the young man who had dosed off in the middle of the afternoon. "There isn't shit to do, and you know it." Reaching into the bag and noticing it was empty, she cursed again. "Isn't shit to eat, either."

"Natsuki, maybe you should go get us something to eat from the cafeteria." Mai said, pulling her wallet out of her purse. An old line, rehearsed and well practiced.

"Order what?" Natsuki mumbled uneasily, also bored as she crossed her arms over her chest to brush away the irking feeling in her gut. "Lunch time rush, and you know how gross that stuff is."

"Then go get something from down the street." Nao growled. "A damn pizza, or something." Her bad temper was soften by the worry in her gaze. "Just get the hell out of here and go get some air."

"Fine." Natsuki said, gathering her helmet and gloves from the corner of the room. "Cheese okay with you?"

"Meat lovers on half, or your dead." Nao smirked, causing Natsuki to roll her eyes as Mai handed the tall biker a few crisp bills.

Natsuki didn't complain about the routine that had set in so solidly, that even she was hard pressed to find her way out of it. She just did the same thing she did every day around lunchtime, when the smell of disinfectant grew to be too strong. She went in search of food, fresh air, and some time alone. She gathered her thoughts, while the two women in her life sat worriedly, waiting for answers that continued to elude them.

Her girlfriend, Nao, was a short woman with an acidic temper and raunchy taste in humor. In spite of Nao's bravado, she was stuck there keeping an eye on her mother, who was unfortunately stuck in a coma. Their mutual friend, Mai, was in a limbo with her little brother, waiting for him to be given a new heart that might never come…and amidst all of this, Natsuki herself struggled to offer support, the only way she knew how.

If they wanted a pizza, she would get the pizza.

It was only after she left the room that Mai sighed deeply, slouching in her chair as she rubbed her face. The bottled water at her side was cool to the touch. She unscrewed the top and drank deeply from the clear bottle. "I thought she was going to lose it." Mai said quietly.

"Dumbass almost did." Nao agreed bitterly, getting herself more comfortable. It was a continually difficult task in the plastic chairs. "You're not looking too good either."

"I'm used to it." Mai said then with a smile, but truth be told she was exhausted. "I do this all the time, just like you, so it's only natural that I might look bored or something."

It was the 'or something' that Nao took issue with but didn't press the issue. "Whatever." She groused, a disbelief coloring her voice deeply. "If you keel over, I'm going to laugh my ass off."

"Yeah…" Mai smirked sleepily. "I know."

That was all she knew. That unwavering dependability of Nao and Natsuki were the only safe bets in her life. The only bets she ever made, if she were honest. Akira was a close third, but chose distance over nearness, space over huddles, and withdrawn logic over emotion. Akira was a voice of reason sometimes, a cool and easy mind other times, but, for Mai those things were not dependable…

Regardless of whether or not Mai agreed with Akira and her methods, Takumi needed that aloofness to get him by….to prove to himself that his wife could do with, or without him…and yet, chose him because she loved him, and for absolutely no other reason.

…

The unfortunate truth is that when every day is the same, it muddles.

One day after another, the same events stagnate into the realm of the mundane. It becomes difficult to find same joy in watching the sun rise after a routine of well over two decades sets in. The first one will always be the best, and the last one will forever be forthcoming. Surely there are some differences to be found, but they were natural progressions that were to be expected in her life.

The taste of the tea that she sipped had matured along with her. From teabags and toast with jam as a young girl, to her mother's brew and a muffin as a teen, to finally her own iconic blends with a balanced breakfast. It seemed as if her morning had aged with her. That wasn't exactly a bad thing, but, it was entirely predictable.

Her life was intrinsically a matter of time and place….puzzle pieces that simply seemed to have fit together upon their first try. The luck of the draw, she assumed idly, though that alone conjured disturbing thoughts that her own merit wouldn't have been good enough. That, if she had been a person born to a family of lesser means, her own goals and drive would never have gotten her by. That, she would be worthless to the greater good.

It was a silly thought to have, but one that she toyed with all the same.

Like it or not, she was privileged, and such a thing offered more in the way of an identity, than her own personality at times. That was simply the way of it, indisputable, and comfortable.

Looking down at herself, she had to admit, she exuded such a careless attitude. Right down to the housecoat and slippers that she wore, it was as if the problems in the world could never reach her. The mere idea that she could possibly be so inept was one founded on biased opinion.

Shizuru could never be so blissfully unaware of the injustice that a person's life could become.

In fact, as she sat out front regarding the sky above, it was her concern for life's injustice that troubled her. "Good morning, Reito." She greeted as her good friend came up the pathway lined with gravel and steppingstones. Some were for decoration and rested upright around tress and birdbaths, while others were embedded with many brightly colored gems for feet to rest upon. "Are you here for the pleasure of my company, or did your wife refuse to make you breakfast again?"

"You know me so well." He laughed as he took a seat beside the woman. "My wife took the morning to go to the country club, you know how it goes."

"I do." She lifted her plate to him, offering a scone she had yet to partake. "I still don't see how she manages."

"A rare breed." Reito replied with a shrug. "She loves it."

Shizuru lifted an eyebrow, but said nothing, choosing then to sip deeply from her tea. "Pardon me a moment." She went into the house to gather more hot water from the kettle, preparing more tea, and collecting finger snacks. It took a short time, but it was dearly needed to push away her dour expression. Finally, with her tasks done, she went back outside, tray in hand. "Forgive me for not expecting your visit." Shizuru said as she settled herself back down into her chair.

"You don't wish company at all you mean." He said without worrying about offending his friend, his prying a natural thing between them. "You've gotten that air about you." In fact, he was often known for disturbing the serenity that surrounded her on any given morning. "Did you get into a fight?"

"I don't fight." Shizuru said pointedly, crossing one leg over the other, her eyes focusing on the fluttering of the birds that took to the feeders in the trees.

"A disagreement then." The man corrected himself. "I can think of no other reason for the wrinkle on your forehead."

"Perhaps I am just getting old." Shizuru said, causing Reito to give her a disappointed look. It was his disbelief that made her relent that she was troubled. With a subtle shrug and a sip of her tea, she carefully smiled at him. "Or, perhaps, as you say, I had a disagreement."

"With your father." Reito surmised, knowing there were very few people that Shizuru would spend her time arguing with.

"Gossip mongering doesn't suit you, Reito." Shizuru said quietly, but nodded all the same. "Truth be told, it's unflattering."

"I'm merely concerned." He held up his hand in a good natured surrender. "You've been troubled as of late."

"Troubled?" Shizuru shook her head, shooing away the mild surprise she felt. "No, I'm far from troubled." She said slowly, tasting the word on her lips. She could feel the off-putting flavor of the word on her tongue. It was too dry for her liking, too discourteous and lacking. "I'm far more contented than I should be, and that's probably the issue that my father takes."

"I see." He said then, a fib and little more. "Well if you aren't troubled, I'm no longer concerned."

Shizuru nodded, and wordlessly held up her hand. "I sense dishonesty, so I'll put you at ease." The waggling of her fingers, and what one of them seemed to lack sent Reito's lips into a smirk.

"Oh, it's that again, is it?" He made note that Shizuru had likely turned down another engagement and knew to ask about it later. When she was more apt to divulge the gritty details of how she broke yet another man's heart. "I thought your father had learned his lesson years ago, but obviously not."

"Yes, that…and he's always been quite stubborn." She said with a soft laugh. "It's simply that before, I didn't rightly care." She sipped on her tea again. "Up until recently, I was happy to allow myself the conceited notion that I didn't need a lover in my life."

"You've changed your mind?" He asked, a tinge of surprise in his voice, and he grew serious. "There is a man you fancy?"

"Oh, come now, don't be daft." Shizuru muttered unhappily, rolling her eyes at him. "I never have been very fond of men, you know that."

"You're fond of me." He shot back, mirth dancing in his soft brown eyes. "You never have been able to resist my charms."

"That's because your charms end where your good sense begins." At least such a truth was a comfort as she leaned on the armrest, her chin tucked into her palm. It was an honest stance she took when there was no air to keep up, or anything to hide, dignity included. "Reito, you've not tried to slip into my bed with me." She told him pointedly with a soft but assured grin. "We remain such close friends, because you've made yourself comfortable with the fact that I've no interest in you as a suitor."

"True." He nodded. "Then, if the notion hasn't changed, what has?" He asked, finding that the frown she gave him was something he didn't like. She seemed to be weighing her options, considering what she could say to him…or, even if she should say anything more at all. "Is it something worrisome?"

"Perspective." Shizuru said slowly. "The mindset that companionship is not entirely unwanted as I grow older." She closed her eyes, feeling as though doing so hid some of her emotion on the matter. "Humans are deplorable creatures Reito." She murmured, and he knew that she was talking largely about herself. "We take comfort in absurdly fleeting truths." She told him, as she returned her gaze back to the world directly in front of her. "I don't mind that, but, being reminded that I am just as fragile as everyone else...well, it weakens my desire to stay solitary."

"That is where I lose you." Reito grew quiet for a moment, unsure of how far he should press the issue. "Was it not because you felt yourself weak, that you decided upon celibacy?" Reito asked her as he gathered their now empty cups. "I thought being around others was too much for you?"

"Women." Shizuru corrected. "Being around other women, tempts the most basic of temptation." She went on to say after a moment. "It is too much." Shizuru agreed then with a sigh. "Yet this life I lead, while acceptable, is perhaps not enough."

"Because you are lonely." He said, his assumption one that earned him a flick of her eyes in consideration.

"Hmm am I?" The crimson in her eyes met his brown with objectivity, and then they skittered away from him outright, going from a downward gaze to peer at the floor...and then an outward one again, lingering. It was as if she was trying to process what insight she had just found. "Or am I simply bored?"

He tried to smile, to gift some sort of comfort to her. "I believe everyone is subject to loneliness, at one time or another."

"That is only a small part of it." She told him, feeling as if that was not enough. "Everything is meticulous, expected, and unwavering in every sense of the word. Perhaps I should be happy about that." She explained to him, feeling as if the way she put her feelings were inadequate. "My life is assured. My future was always promised to be a successful one. Even if I end up doing little more than sit home all day long, a vast fortune sits in my lap."

"Then what would be enough?" He asked her. "That is what you've yet to tell me…what would be enough to make you happy?"

"I don't know." It was with a nod out to the sky that she turned met him eye-to-eye. "I've been lucky, Reito. There's no two ways about that. There are people that I know that will never be so fortunate."

"I recall our youth quite a bit differently." He said then, but didn't argue any further than that. It wasn't his place, and this morning was not the right time.

"Speaking of youthful indiscretion, Mikoto's not doing very well with flowers." Shizuru said then, the abrupt change in topic unlike her, but she never had been a morning person. Simply a creature of habit, who like the good daughter she had been raised to be, followed routine even when it didn't serve any point. "You might do well to remove her from the class."

"She's fond of you." Reito shrugged. "I keep her there because you're kind to her."

"She's young." Shizuru noted. "Far too young to be expected to excel in something so abstract." In fact, the girl's youthful innocence bothered Shizuru to no end. There would come a time when her age would catch up to the girl, and, Shizuru was not all together sure that Reito would be able to properly raise his sister when such a time came. "Mikoto should be learning arithmetic and history, not calligraphy and flower arranging."

"You were younger when you were placed into the arts." Reito said then, his insistence on the matter something he didn't care to explain. "That isn't a good excuse."

"It is much less an excuse, and much more a very good reason." Shizuru told him. "Reito, she's a mere girl. She's not able to grasp many concepts due to how stunted she is, her mental growth will take time."

"My grandfather was a very strange man, but one thing I know well, is that he had high hopes for her." Reito said with a smile that buried his long standing resentment even deeper. "However, I'll admit his views on her upbringing were rather…ill informed, I would think."

"You are ill-informed." Shizuru told him. "Your grandfather was an entirely different breed of ineptitude."

"It was a sickness of the mind, I believe." Reito nodded. "Age does that to a person."

"Is that why you saw fit to bring her into your home?" Shizuru asked, but suspected the answer. They were siblings, and Reito had left young, making a name for himself when he had nothing. He wanted the same for his sister, but doubted she would ever have his success. They were merely different people, with different outlooks. "Is it truly a thing of guilt?"

"There was simply no one else." Reito shrugged, unsure if guilt was the right word…however, it was, as he felt, a family obligation. "Mind you, in retrospect, I'm sure she would have been just as contented to live alone. She fancies animals over humans anyway."

Shizuru had laughed about it…shrugging off Reito's observation in some small but important ways. Women were women, men were men, and as often as she disliked to make that distinction for the type of lives they lived, the divide was far greater than gender. It was the mindset of being seen and not heard, versus the question of lineage and the ability to take an inheritance.

Twenty years ago, there would have been no question what the answers would have been…but, Japan was changing.

Men were less willing to work long corporate jobs, or even to settle down into an arranged marriage. Those that were willing, found themselves unhappy in their daily grind, and, as studies were beginning to show, the men would much rather stay home with the children. It was an interesting, if not absurd ideal, Shizuru noted, until she realized women were not the same either. They wanted those highly prized positions of comfort, and, the much sought after "Three Highs" that most women murmured about in their youth.

It was something much more than just the type of man they could snag.

Women wanted the power now, and, Shizuru herself was not exempt from this new, not to mention popular ideal that a female couldn't only excel in the workplace, she could raise above a typical position. Women actually wanted to take a leadership role upon their shoulders, the male ego be damned. Shizuru was not as fanatical as some of the self-empowered women that she knew, but, she had to admit, there was a particular amount of pride found in clout.

It was a thought that consumed her, even as she stood before the class giving a lecture that night.

"What you see before you is the dogwood blossom." She had said, feeling it an inadequate flower, but it was a common one to make note of. "Landscaping enthusiasts and florists alike speak highly of the trees and bushes that this flower stems from. We will focus on the dogwood tree, and that means our lessons will be taken outside tonight."

As the class gathered their outdoor materials, she looked over to the table and sighed. _So, she chooses to be absent again, I see._ According to the class roster, Mai Tokiha should have been in that empty chair at the center table, but Mai was nowhere to be found. She had at least called in this time, saying she wouldn't make it, but Shizuru partly felt as if that hadn't been enough. _How can I be of help when she doesn't seem to want it?_ Shizuru asked herself before shaking herself free of her musings.

In the end, it didn't really matter, she couldn't do anything for Mai in the middle of the class, and agonizing over the issue at hand would do very little to solve anything. However, to deny the fact that the red head was on her mind at all was a troubling state of affairs.

…

One phone call would be all it took to find out the answer to her pressing question, and though it didn't come as a surprise, Shizuru wasn't exactly sure that she could find an explanation for what she gazed upon. Without making any noise at all, she considered the dark room in front of her, and the six chairs pushed together to make three rows, one person laying there awkwardly in each. Mai looked the most comfortable, with a pillow and blanket, but she could not say the same for the other two, who rested side by side.

Shizuru supposed this was a common sight to behold for Akira, who merely seemed frustrated. "Thought so...you see, there's your missing student." Akira sighed as she shook her head. "I knew when you called and told me that she wasn't at class that she'd be up here."

"This happens often?" Shizuru pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "That can't be comfortable."

"They're masters at it." Akira bit out as she walked further down the look hallway, she needed some coffee herself, after having spent her evening giving private tutoring to those who needed it. "Those three have one common bond, and through it, they're an inseparable force…but, it also means that I can actually say with absolute certainty there's always at least one woman sleeping in my husband's room." Then Akira shrugged. "It's a comfort mostly, I like knowing someone's up here when I can't be."

"It doesn't bother you?" Shizuru said then with an upturned eyebrow.

"How could it?" Akira laughed. "It's been happening since before I knew him…that's the trouble with redheads, they don't listen to reason." With coffee in hand, Akira settled in to wait for the next doctor to check on Takumi and get the latest information on his condition, and gestured for Shizuru to do the same. "The nurse even gave up on kicking them out, gives you an idea of how stubborn they really are when it comes to avoiding the hospital policy."

"Shove it up your own ass, Akira." Nao muttered sleepily as she came out into the waiting area. "And if you're going to be so fuckin' loud, go somewhere else."

Akira crossed her arms and sighed. "Case in point." She said as Nao took a seat across from them, yawning. "Do you know anything?"

"The nurse came in a while back, bitched about his blood pressure, and all that happy shit. Blockages are still the same, they could bypass the crap out of his heart, but with the hole where it is, it won't do much good. He's still on the waitlist, of course, but his condition isn't bad enough to bump him up any higher than he already is." She explained toothpick in hand as she cleaned out her pipe. "Mai was already passed out though, so we didn't wake her."

"She needs rest." Akira shrugged. "I'll make sure she gets home safely."

"Leave her there." Nao said then. "Won't do much good if she just comes back down when she wakes up."

Akira shook her head. "Takumi worries."

"Jesus he's such a damn baby." Nao muttered, still half asleep as she rubbed at her eyes. "Mai can look after herself, she's been doing it for years." After fixing her pipe she wagged it in the air. "Smoke?" Both women denied the offer, so Nao just shrugged. "Suit yourself, but anyway, don't get all pissy if Mai doesn't wake up. I gave her a little P.M. crap when she wasn't looking."

"You drugged her?" Shizuru asked, shocked and a bit outraged. "How could a person do something like that?"

"Cool it there buttercup, I'd never hurt Mai, and I know what I'm doing." Nao said, dragging her eyes along Shizuru's form long enough to ascertain all she needed to know. Shizuru was beautiful, but she was an outsider, and one to be kept at arm's length. With that she stood, waving a hand over her shoulder. "Akira, if your day goes tits up tomorrow let me know, I'll sit in with Takumi."

"Yeah. I will." Akira said with a nod. "Thanks." Having heard all that she needed to, Akira gave Shizuru a knowing frown. "Acidity aside, Nao's not all that bad." Akira didn't wait to talk to the nurse, having heard all that she needed to know. Instead, she fell back on her training, scooping the sleeping Mai into her arms. "Mind making a pit stop on the way home?"

How could Shizuru refuse a question like that? With a nod she agreed. Mai would stir uneasily for a little while, but not long enough to wake up, and even once they got to Mai's apartment, the woman was not calm and restful at all. The scene was troubling, but it was also one that drew Shizuru in. A mystery that had yet to be unraveled.

Although it was anyone's guess if probing for the answers would lead to good results. There was every possibility searching for an answer would only lead to more discomfort.

_A discomfort, perhaps, that should not be taken so lightly._ Shizuru thought then, as they climbed the stairs. _Nor at all searched for by a person such as myself. It would be too unkind to do so._ Akira was far too used to this, too practiced in the way she meandered through Mai's apartment in the dark, placing her atop an unmade bed, covering the redhead without a second thought. However as troubling as it all was, there was nothing more jarring about it than when Akira asked her to stay.

The mere suggestion a pressing retort to the confusion that Shizuru suspected lingered in her eyes.

…

It hadn't ever occurred to Mai that Shizuru might genuinely be worried about her. It was a silly thing to assume, especially with Akira murmuring like a little birdie into Shizuru's ear. As a general rule, most people didn't help Mai unless she asked for their help, and, that was a rare thing indeed. Something that only fell onto the shoulders of a very select few. It wasn't that she didn't trust others with her problems, it was that she didn't want her fears weighing everyone down.

When she began to wake up, it was a disorientating experience at first.

_What in the…oh, I'm home. _ The first thing she noticed as she stirred was that the pillow her head rested upon didn't smell sterile, but rather, it carried the smell of her laundry detergent. The second thing she noticed was that she was in her own bed._ Huh, I must have fallen asleep at the hospital again. _She reminded herself, sitting up and rubbing her forehead, sleepily looking at the clock. _Wonderful…now I'm going to be late for work too._

Life was a blur sometimes, Mai had to admit.

Time crept up on her more often than not, and so did her own weariness. Truth be told, she only slept easily in the presence of another, and even though she would never admit it, her single bedroom apartment was unusually cold without someone else there. Then again, one look at her upbringing, and almost anyone could tell the reason why.

When Mai woke up, she wasn't very surprised to find that she was in her own apartment. Natsuki would often put her in a cab and carry her home after she finally let sleep take her. One look at the clock, and Mai cursed. It was already middle of the next day, and she flung the bed sheets off her of. "Natsuki, you should have woken me up!" Mai said, bursting out of her room only to be caught unaware. "Uh…you're not Natsuki…" Her mind frazzled to a halt.

"No, I most certainly am not." Shizuru said quietly. "Nor do I have any idea who she is."

"A friend of mine…" Mai began slowly, annoyed that she had been caught unaware. "She has a gift for disappearing." Mai said, peaking into the living room, but any telltale mess that Natsuki might have left behind wasn't to be found. Even the blanket was neatly folded, leaving no indication it had been used. "She probably left me here." Mai said, holding her head in her hands and taking a breath. "I need to call Akira."

"Takumi's fine." Shizuru told Mai. "His exam showed that nothing has gotten worse."

"That also means no improvement." Mai yawned with clear dissatisfaction. "How did I get home?"

"Akira brought you home." Shizuru said standing over the stove top, cooking breakfast. "She told me you tend to fall asleep like that quite a bit. She asked me to stay here until you woke up." There was a very clear question left between them, the air thick with it.

Mai just sighed. "Emotional stress, the doctors say."

"Are the nightmares included in that?" Shizuru could tell that her prying came close to the edge. The question pushed almost enough to be considered crossing over a very carefully defined line. Mai's dejected frown spoke as much. The way she sagged heavily on the nearby wall concerned Shizuru. "Mai, is it safe to assume that?"

"Who knows?" Mai answered, when Shizuru led her to the table and put some juice in front of her. "It's been like that ever since I can remember." If it were Nao or Natsuki, Mai wouldn't have hesitated, nightmares a shared struggle in sleeplessness shared between the three of them. The problem was, Shizuru stood on the outside of that protective, understanding barrier. "I really don't want to worry about it."

"You should get more rest." Shizuru insisted. It was probably obvious to Mai, but saying it made Shizuru feel better, as if she could then brush away any feelings of responsibility, having given the woman a fair warning. Still, even after giving voice to the simple truth, Shizuru found that it wasn't enough. "You should also consider trusting others more, Akira surely does."

"It's not about trust." Mai rubbed at her eyes, and sighed deeply, as she tried to force the haze from her brain. "There's just so much to do, so there's no time to be tired." In fact, she knew she had to get ready for work, and pushed herself up, walking back into her bedroom. "I'm going to be late for work."

"You're taking the day off." Shizuru said with a shake of her head, fetching Mai again. "Akira's orders." She gave Mai a quick once over, and mentally agreed. "You're in no condition to be standing over a hot grill all day."

"I'm fine, Shizuru." Mai shook her head. "Besides, working is the only thing I know how to do."

"Then perhaps you should learn to do something else." Shizuru said, placing a plate of food on the table near Mai's untouched glass of juice. "Please, come sit down and share a meal. I may not be a proper homemaker, but I'm able to provide sustenance at the very least."

Having a feeling she wasn't going to be able to talk her way out of it, Mai sat down and began to cut into the omelet in front of her. "I'm not making this a habit." Mai said, considering the fluffy egg before putting it to her mouth. "I need the money, and believe it or not, I find cooking relaxing."

"I'm starting to believe you find several things relaxing that would instill panic in others." Shizuru said quietly, not fond of orange juice, but she drank it instead of tea, thinking the caffeine wouldn't be good for Mai. "Perhaps you might consider that such stress could be part of the problem."

"In case you haven't noticed, my life is full of problems." The admittance left much to be desired, and with yet another forced smile, Mai pushed away the discomfort that bubbled from within. "At least when I keep myself busy, I don't have to think about it."

…

Mai had shrugged when Shizuru accused cooking to be a stressful thing to do. If it caused others panic didn't matter, as long as it kept her busy. The more morbid thoughts she could avoid in a single day, the less worried she was for her brother. Less morbidity equaled a happier day, and a more restful night. It was the sort of thing that carried over, and although Mai never knew such a thing as a good month, or a good year, she'd like to think she had plenty of good days, and enough okay weeks to get by.

For as long as she could remember, she'd been accepting of that.

If she couldn't work, she could at least spend her day up at the hospital, and that's where she eventually ended up, baked goods in hand. It wasn't a surprise to see Nao crashed out along three chairs that were pushed together, her legs fitting under the arm rests in a well-practiced way. Natsuki wasn't much better, having pressed herself along the thin windowsill where the air duct forced unreasonably cool air into the room.

The darkness was to be expected, the beeping of the monitor a usual and steady sound. Mai shook her head, leaving the box near the sleeping duo before going to stand by the bedside of a woman who just wouldn't wake. They were used to this, the waiting was not a strange concept. It wasn't absurd to put your entire life on hold for that one faintly distant hope.

Whether it be for a heart, or for someone to wake up from a coma, it didn't matter. Waiting was always the name of the game, and calmness was a virtue that even with an endless supply, it dwindled all too quickly. It was easy, too easy, to become like Nao, where life held no other value than the four walls that contained her mother.

In fact, Mai considered that just maybe God would have been kinder to just let the woman die…at least then, Nao could move on…she could find a new light in her life again.

…but, as things stood, waiting, for both of them, was truly the only option worthwhile.

Mai didn't stay long, and instead went to go spend time with her brother. For what it was worth, the young man had grown used to amusing himself while trapped in bed for most of his day. Sure, he could go for walks at his leisure as long as someone was with him, but instead of pacing about with nothing to do, he had grown to love card games. They were his hobby to the extent that he even hosted such events, when he was feeling well enough.

Today was one of his good days, and in high spirits he shuffled the deck he hand in his hands. "Sis, there's got to be something better you can do with your time." Takumi said after the fourth game of go fish in a row. "Go shopping, or something. I mean you haven't taken a day off in a long time, you should make the most of it."

"There isn't any place I would rather spend my time." She told him only out of truth and little more. "So, what'll it be, another around, or do you want to call down to the cafeteria for something to eat?"

"Sis…" The young man said slowly, eying his older sibling doubtfully. "Don't you think there's something fun you'd like to do…somewhere else?"

"No, there is nothing else I would rather be doing. Now then, if you'd like we could split a juice from the vending machine." Mai offered trying to change the subject, but her brother's knowing gaze continued to burn into her with unrelenting worry. "Or if you're bored of cards, we could rent a movie." When he didn't ease his stare, she picked up one of the hospital pamphlets that came to Takumi's room weekly. "I think there may be bingo going on in the common room soon as well, you like to do that too."

"Mai, it's okay." Takumi said quietly, the covers becoming interesting to him as he gripped the soft fabric in his hands. "You don't have to stay here all the time." She wouldn't meet his gaze, and that bothered him more than he wanted to admit outwardly. A feeling of guilt turned within him. Knowing that he was the reason for the constant stress in her life made him bite the inside of his cheek to steady himself. "I'm not going to die on you, if you turn your back for an hour or so."

"I-I know that." Mai murmured, feeling her brother poke at the rather fragile fears that Mai had kept under lock and key since the death of their mother. "It's just easier to be here, where I can see it. I need to know that it's true."

Takumi rolled his eyes and reached into the cubby in his bedside table, pulling out a few bills. "Maybe something refreshing to drink then. I'm not very hungry." He said handing them to her. "You should get something for yourself though."

"Right…" Mai nodded, taking the bills and going down to the common room located by the elevators. There was a line at this time of day, as usual. It seemed as if most of the patrons who liked to have something to drink with their meals waited in line for this one single machine. Probably because everything in it was both low sodium, and on the list of heart healthy drinks. She had no sooner stepped up to the machine, pressing a few dials for lemon flavored water that Akira finally stepped out from beyond the double paneled doors.

"I thought I might find you here." Akira said with a yawn, looking fairly beat up. "Have you been visiting long?" She had not changed out of her Keikogi from practice, and her unkempt appearance meant it wasn't a class held at the dojo itself, but likely in one of the more remote areas. The smell of the forest a welcome one.

"I got here a little before noon." Mai said, checking her watch. She'd been there for a few hours. "Takumi doesn't want lunch yet, but I wanted to get some liquid into him."

"He had a late breakfast with me before I went to work." Akira reported, taking a lazy stance on the white painted brick left exposed in the common room. "In any case, I stopped by the cafeteria and picked him up some turkey breast and a fruit cup. I figured if anything, he'd at least eat the pineapple."

"Good luck with that, his appetite has been lacking." Mai said, worried that her brother may actually be getting worse. "He hasn't so much as picked up a vegetable all day, not even toast and jelly."

"Well, it's to be expected. The nurse came in this morning. There's this new medication for blood pressure pumping through his body, and you know how Takumi is with med changes." Akira noted the roll of Mai's eyes, the soft gulp and sigh that kept Mai from cursing under her breath. "He'll be fine, he always is."

"I wish he would have told me." Mai murmured as they walked back to the room.

"Takumi's a guy." Akira said, as if that was the answer to all of his problems in his life when it came to his health. "He doesn't want to worry you…besides, we both know you keep such detailed records of his medicine that you probably know more about what they give him than he does."

"I didn't think to look at his drip today." Mai admitted, beating herself up mentally for not following her normal routine. "He probably wants to spend some time alone with you, so I'm going to go check up on Nao and Natsuki." She handed Akira the water that Takumi had wanted, and forced herself to smile. "I'll be back later, okay?"

"You always are." Akira muttered with a smirk. "We're going to get a game of doubt going at about five in the common room, so meet up with us there if we aren't in here."

"Doubt, huh?" Mai asked. "I haven't played that in ages."

"Neither has he, and he thought it might be fun." Akira said as she nodded at Mai. A sort of an unspoken 'see you later' response that she did with most people. "Oh, tell Nao she left her pipe in Takumi's room again."

"Yeah." Mai agreed as she headed back to the room Nao's mother rested in. "I'll let her know." Down the hall in a small private room Natsuki and Nao were sitting in their usual spots. Natsuki up against the window with earbuds in her ears, and Nao by her mother's bedside reading another book. "Hey guys." Mai said standing in the doorway uneasily. "How is she?"

"You have eyes." Nao muttered simply enough as she got up from her chair, and kicking it over to Mai so the woman had a place to sit. "You were gone after I got back for a smoke last night, told Akira to leave you be, but she doesn't listen for shit."

"Neither do you." Natsuki said with a laugh. "I knew I should have just carried her home."

"Hell, news to me if you asked for a good girl." Nao said, laying herself across Natsuki in her usual way. "So, what's the skinny on Akira?"

"Nothing that I know of." Mai shrugged. "Why, is something wrong?"

"Nao just thought that she have something on the side..." Natsuki said then, giving Nao a glare. "You know, someone that we might not know about?"

"What…? No, of course not." Mai shook her head. "What gave you that idea?"

"According to Nao, there was some woman here last night with Akira." Natsuki shook her head, not entirely sure herself. "I was asleep."

"Yeah, but I've never seen her before either." Nao nodded. "Thought she might be getting a little lonely, not that I don't get it. Takumi isn't exactly good for a lay right about now."

Natsuki rolled her wyes, while Mai was the first to form a disgusted answer. "That's beyond wrong, on so many levels." She knew there was no point to try to talk sense into Nao, so instead, she just sighed. "Her name is Shizuru, they're good friends, but that's all they are."

Nao nodded, but she had a hard time believing it. "Look, don't sweat it, I was just wondering."

"Nao, we should get some air." Natsuki told her gently before looking to Mai. "Hey you mind keeping watch? I wanna go back to the house and grab a change of clothes, a shower, and some food that doesn't taste like it came out of some doctors ass." Then emerald eyes dropped to lime green ones. "Nao needs to see some daylight too I think, she's been camping out on those chairs for two nights in row now."

"Yeah, I can sit here for a few hours." Mai said as she picked up the book. "She likes this one, right?"

Nao didn't show any gratitude, but she didn't need to. "Chapter nine, second page." She got off of Natsuki's lap, dragging the tall biker along with her. "Come on, let's blow. I want to get back before shift change."

Mai took a breath and began to read the words in the novel nice and slow, feeling as if doing so might coax the woman to wake to the sound of another's voice. That was the theory, anyway, though Mai was starting to be skeptical of it. With one hand holding the paperback, and Nao's mother's hand in the other, she began what she knew to be the loneliest visitation she ever took practice in, hoping that just once something would trigger the woman.

That something would call to her, and summon her from this horribly long sleep.

…

Life had funny ways to drop little reminders where a person had a habit of least expecting it, and Shizuru was often left unamused by such displays of irony.

There was a spider perching on one of the little wooden slats of her closet. She left it there to loiter around for a little while, even if she wasn't fond of the ugly black thing that twitched every so often. Shizuru could have just smacked it with one of her shoes and ended the creature of her ire then and there. Instead, however, she simply avoided it, wishing to overlook the unsettling crunch she knew killing it would make.

She hoped it would flee from her sight during the darkness of the night, but it didn't, and killing it began to seem appealing in the morning.

Instead, she got a piece of paper and a glass jar, coaxing it inside, and scowling at it the entire time. Without even waiting to watch it make its escape, she merely left the large open mouthed canning jar on the stoop in hopes that the aggravating little creature would find a new home someplace else. She figured if she gave it a day or so, it would be out of her life forever.

The day came and went by without much hassle, her routine unaffected.

The next morning, however, she woke up to see that instead of fleeing, like a smarter animal might do, the spider had taken residence in the jar. Spinning a thick web and staying there, it perched seemingly all too happy not to be removed from its new cubby hole….and Shizuru was most assuredly not going to try and upheave it any further than she already had, wishing not even to touch the jar, if she could avoid it.

Unhappily, that morning she shared her tea with the little monster, as they had to both share the porch that wrapped around the front of the house. She eyed the jar as she sipped her tea, sighing in annoyance. It was dismal, when the stubbornness of something as small as a bug, got the better of her. Perhaps it was because the annoyingly insistent creature was the closest thing she had to a pet, but even that only served to make her bitter.

She thought for not the first time of acquiring a house cat, thinking it might be nice to have some form of company, even if it wasn't a human.

"What's this?" Reito asked, coming up the path and taking a seat beside his good friend, enjoying the same warm tea and quiet conversation they shared every morning that he wasn't kept busy. "I never knew that you thought so fondly of insects."

"It's a good thing I'm not afraid of it, or it would have met its demise long ago." Shizuru sighed, gazing at the growing arachnid. "I still have half a mind to crush it, just to get my jar back."

"You would, wouldn't you?" Reito smirked, knowing she actually hated spiders. "I would ask how your day has been thus far, but such a distasteful response serves as an adequate answer." He said then, bringing the tea to his lips. "I have a meeting with a client, so I can't whittle away the hours today, but, I thought you might be interested in joining my family for dinner tonight."

"Tonight isn't ideal." Shizuru said, a distant thought keeping her occupied. "Besides, knowing you the way I do, you and my father are likely in cahoots."

"That obvious?" Reito said as he gracefully accepted her decline, thankful he hadn't arranged for a blind date yet.

"Your wife has a particular viewpoint." Shizuru said with a shrug. "I don't fit that ideal."

"No, you most certainly don't." Reito laughed then. "Regardless, I should insist that you join us."

"If it so eases you, I do have plans for dinner already." Shizuru said softly, averting her gaze.

"A dinner date?" Reito pried.

"Hardly." Shizuru gave him a stern look. "She's married."

"Pity." Reito jibed. "Just when I was about to inquire all the personal little details."

"As if I would speak them." She returned with a laugh. "Scoundrel, stop living vicariously. You have a gorgeous wife who loves you dearly."

"So you've noticed." He sipped more tea before replying to his coworker, and pocketing his phone. "I always knew you had impeccable taste."

"Well, I do have eyes." Shizuru shook her head, astounded that he would think otherwise. "Akira's a good friend, and that's a trust I'd never betray." Shizuru went on to say as she averted her gaze from him. "She knows of my preferences, of course, but she's not exactly adverse to the idea of women…she merely found happiness with a man first." Her eyes began fixing on that infuriatingly happy spider that bungled about in the jar as if no one minded its presence. "I'm going to be trying a new little eatery I've not yet had the pleasure to try, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that I enjoy the company."

"The pleasure of sharing a meal with others, even if only a good friend, is not something to begrudge." He assured her before checking his watch. "Well, I must be off, but I meant what I said." Reito said with an honest smile as his cell phone beeped at him, a new text message received. "You are coming to dinner sooner or later."

"Later being the operative word." Shizuru murmured under her breath as she bid Reito a farewell.

The thought of someone actually being interested in her was laughable at best. At least, that had been what her life had proven after every trial and error. She was not overt in her sexuality, and didn't particularly shout it from the roof tops. Perhaps that was why befriending females often led down two very difficult paths. One was that their views of life didn't agree with hers, and they simply stopped being friends…or the latter happened, and a connection was built.

Connection was a thing to fear, as friendship could often lead to unrequited feelings…ones best left buried.

_What woman truly seeks another woman for warmth? Unless perhaps, the relationship itself is one that niggles at the back of the mind like a vermin best left ignored. _Shizuru thought to herself as she sipped at her tea again, noting out of the corner of her eye that the spider had left the confines of the jar, having selected the top corner of the doorframe as its new perch. _And that, my annoying little house guest, is the crux of the entire issue._

…

It was just dinner with a friend…that's all it was, and all it ever had to be. No preamble of excuses needed or given, and no question of weather or not this was appropriate to be asked. There would also be no answer to be given. Just dinner...just a meal...It went no further than that, no motives, no conclusion…nothing of the sort.

Just. A. Dinner.

It wasn't a way to spy on, impede, or otherwise harass that friend's sister-in-law. Shizuru had promised herself that much, chanted that much. She wouldn't go digging any further than she already had, and she wouldn't press things best left untouched. She wouldn't make idle assumptions about Mai's being, or assume that the carrot top was pushing herself too far…

Because even if she was...and, it was a rather large if...one that trumpeted about like an angry bull elephant in the room...regardless, it wasn't any of Shizuru's concern. Mai didn't seem to want the help that others desired to give her.

At least, that's what Shizuru told herself…but that wasn't true either…because Mai was lonely…and Shizuru had to admit, so was she.

It was a few hours after Shizuru stopped fighting with herself, that she met Akira at their destination. The diner was a modest size, not in the best condition due to age, but it was clean and very homelike. In that, Shizuru found a small hint of comfort as they sat at the table. A young, brown haired waitress took their order, and when she left, Shizuru was finally able to let out a sigh she didn't realize she was holding. "I don't understand why we had to eat here of all places."

"Might as well, a person has to eat." Akira said as she leaned back in her booth, rubbing her eyes. "Takumi likes when I check in from time to time, so that's why. I decided we might as well kill two birds with one stone." She looked over the counter and into the open window of the kitchen, seeing Mai bustling about. "Besides, she's a great cook, you'd be foolish not to like it."

It was now or never, and something had to be said. Shizuru took a breath. "I do not think it is wise to continue seeing Mai in the manner I have been. In fact, I'm starting to think I should keep my distance." She had hoped that Akira wouldn't pry, as generally they shared that common bond. It was what made Akira respect others on much deeper levels. It just so happened that such respect also granted a wealth of information by default, trust being a thing of solidarity.

You were either given it completely, or denied it outright.

The tomboy took a careful drink of water, and with her usual bored expression, she shrugged. "Do what you think you have to do." Akira said after assessing the situation. "Either way, you'll be back to your old tricks…the girls that fawn over you do it because you give them good reason to."

Shizuru relented that it was probably true, she did flirt a bit to fill the void, even if nothing had ever come of it. "I just doubt that said tricks should include your sister-in-law." In fact, Shizuru had made a point not to flirt with her, and that was perhaps her own undoing.

"I don't see why not." Akira seemed to consider something, but what exactly that was, Shizuru wasn't entirely sure. In fact, the clock ticked by slowly while Akira formed what could only be a very thorny piece of evidence. "Mai's good at playing games. You both share that trait. That was part of the reason why I chose you, Shizuru." Not that it really mattered one way or the other in the grand scheme, but Akira had hoped for better results. "I figured if anyone could see through that facade of hers, it would be you."

"That, Akira, is not at all the problem." Shizuru replied then. "Rather, I find that to be the easy part…but, as one says, it's easy to become too invested…too close I should say, to warrant being comfortable." She bit her lip then. "It's because I don't play with her, that I am concerned. What we know of each other is not built up of fun and games...but rather, delicate topics best left alone."

"Want my advice?" Akira asked as their shared meals came.

"I didn't realize you were so willing to dole it out." Shizuru smirked. "It's unlike you, really."

"You both play a good song and dance, but that's all it really is." That was the cold truth of the matter, and try as Akira might, she couldn't give any warmth to that little problem. "I'm not entirely sure that either of you do it for your good, but it feels more like it's some sort of thing you have to keep up." She cut into the steak in front of her considering the red meat in a predatory way. "If it doesn't suit you, it isn't worth the time to do it."

Shizuru flicked her eyes to the counter area, where Mai could be seen in the back moving about, from griddle to sink, to counter and then back to the griddle again. _Not worth the time, or not worth the emotional investment? _Shizuru asked herself. That was the better question, laced between things best left unjustified. Shizuru nodded to Akira. Crimson eyes returning to the woman well trained in the masteries best suited to reading the intention of others. _Alright, I'll admit that. Well played, Akira._

"I'm not entirely positive I should dignify your observation with a response." Shizuru said, but the smile on her face let Akira know the truth. No true harm had been done. Not that the woman of sharp mind and tongue would have been bothered either way. "Appearances come with the lifestyle. It's a territory all of its own, I fear."

"Hmm." Akira nodded. "Still a territory, it can still be overcome."

"I would like to think not everything I encounter in my life is an enemy." Shizuru replied, making sure to keep the statement calm and simple.

"Yet everything remains at arm's length?" Akira shook her head. "I don't want you to give up on Mai. In fact, if I were you, I'd weigh my options a little differently."

"Yes, you would, your adept at that." Shizuru said softly. "You also live on the edge of your knife. The teachings of your father, and your grandfather before you, dictate that unflinching mindset. Unfortunately, I am not so lucky to have that kind of faith in my own upbringing." A forced smile, a barely there admittance would be more pronounced between them, the unspoken confessions leaving a ripple of discord. "You must forgive me, but this is one gamble I simply do not have the luxury to participate in."

"I knew you'd end up liking Mai." Akira murmured then. "For what it's worth, that's not really a bad thing."

No…it wasn't inherently bad, Shizuru could admit, but she doubted it was particularly fortunate.

…

It was probably a bad idea when she really thought about it. In spite of that, she couldn't deny that there was some part of her starved for an emotional connection. That it had found nourishment in the obscurely uneasy interactions with another person was odd enough. However, to find that kinship in one just as unable to navigate a healthy balance between life and personal duties left a rather uncomfortable truth to swallow.

There was a rare dependency that lingered somewhere within her heart, that dire need to be depended on by another. The aching need to be needed.

The realization had had brought Shizuru to want to deny herself such a comfort. To force away the hope she had, that someone else might actually take an interest in what she had to say. That such an interest could become something else entirely…a bond, perhaps, that carried into something more. A feeling shared, even if left unvoiced and never spoken.

To deny herself, was the selfsame as denying the very thing that so frightened her.

She was not good with women, or, rather she was not good with finding a safe boundary line with the other woman. She could feel comfortable with boundaries, but Mai was the type to obliterate them. It was either too close for comfort, or too far to really care one way or another.

Mai was such the person that the line seemed to be an uncontrollable mix of both. Too close to be a mere acquaintance, too far away to really understand the nature of who she was…and, what that would mean.

Shizuru was not daft by far, and knew well enough to know that Akira would not set her up to fail…however, that did not assure that Shizuru would find success either. There was no guarantee.

No matter how one looked at it, to even consider sitting outside of Mai's workplace after hours was a breech in privacy. It was a seemingly simple plan, one even instigated by Akira herself, and yet even so, Shizuru felt an inherent wrongness in her very presence in the parking lot.

"Would you like a ride?" She had offered when she saw Mai exit out the rear door.

"No, it probably isn't on the way to where you're going." Mai said, even though it was already dark out. "Besides, the hospital is only five stops by tram, not long at all really."

"I don't care if it is or not, the tram station is still three blocks away." Shizuru told her, opening up the passenger side door. "I don't think I like you walking around at night on your own. I know a few others would easily take issue with it."

"Well, if you're sure it wouldn't be an imposition." Mai said quietly as she fidgeted with her purse before nodding to herself. "I suppose I could take you up on the offer." She climbed into the car, buckling herself in. "You really shouldn't worry about me so much."

"I shouldn't." Shizuru agreed, feeling as if putting a comfortable distance in her words would ease the inward tension she felt. The admission wasn't enough, and would never be gratifying on its own. "…but, I do." Shizuru finally added when she realized that Mai expected something more. "And to be perfectly honest, I'm not all together willing to figure out why exactly that is." Then with a shrug as she drove, she offered Mai a quick glance. "Call this an indulgence on my behalf, and think little more of it."

Somehow, even saying that was inadequate.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is the last installment of this story, as requested. Beth, I hope this last chapter pleases you, as it was truly a joy to write. I can't ever express that enough…

As a call out to those of you who like to discuss a vast view of pairings, from all spectrums, check out Upon Open Wings, a fan group that just enjoys fandom in general. It's a great thing to be a fan, don't you think?

**Lilies and Lilacs  
>Part three of three.<strong>

Sentimental value was an obscure thing, detestable really, when she dug down into the heart of the matter.

In her furthest memories, she recalled a happy family. A mother who loved her, and father whose jovial laughter would ring though the house, even as the woman he loved sighed at his antics. She could recall this, and the inadvertent ruckus he encouraged with every fiber of his being. Her mother's admonishments were as kind as her praise, and her smile was something angelic. Wise, and always upon her face, until her dying day.

That's how Mai remembered her mother.

The gentle, yet very firm hand that nestled the fragility of the family deeply in her heart. Her songs were melodic, her cooking was delicious, and her hugs were always warm. Without her, the house grew quiet, and their father had to grow stern to rise his young children. He could no longer come home from work and pluck snacks from atop the fridge, nor could he pull the homework from under his children's noses and tell them to live a little.

Life had made sure to remind them of just how fleeting it could be, and, so it was not her choice to grow into the type woman she was. It was an absolute, dictated by life itself. Mai wasn't as bitter about that as maybe she should have been, but she stopped at nothing to keep what little family she had left together.

That's why she waited….standing at the bedside of woman she had no ties to, reading a book she could recite nearly by memory. It was not for the woman resting in bed, adorn with tubes out of every orifice. It was not for herself, the image was nothing to her. She waited for proof that life itself was worth fighting for, that hope was something to keep close…that it was not a futile effort made in vain.

Most of all she waited, because Natsuki waited…and Natsuki waited because Nao was not yet ready to let go and give up. As long as only one person continued to give a damn, all was not lost, until the angels themselves sang. So, while Mai waited for Takumi's own answer and clean bill of health, she turned the page to the book she held.

All she could do, was continue to read.

…

Promises were better left unspoken.

Dreams were best left in the dust between the state of sleep and reality.

Honesty was something best kept sharp, even if it was cruel.

Even if that selfsame barb, marred her gentle and selfless actions, tainting them the colors of the darkest desire.

Soft, supple lips that glistened with the faintest shimmer of gloss. Eyes so honest and candid, those wet pools of violet were often the vortex that drew her in the most. A tiny grin, washed away by sadness and uncertainty, only to be replaced when she least expected it. Her voice was decidedly feminine, girlish though, in the way words slipped off of her tongue. Such a thing collided with her womanly beauty, and it left an ache in those who could never attain her…

Shizuru knew it, and clung to her own morals. Indulgences were one thing…but letting herself get caught up in the life of another was a tangled web, best to be burned.

They'd spent increasing amounts of time together. There was indeed no doubt about Shizuru's desire to spend time at Mai's side. It wasn't charity, as Mai first expected, but rather, one of Shizuru's true intentions. However, as time went on, there were many moments that Mai suspected that maybe Shizuru wasn't as innocent as that. Even so, she kept a blind eye to it, and Shizuru seemed all too willing to do the same.

They went on, complacent, until one day when Shizuru's actions couldn't possibly be misconstrued. A simple conversation turned into a rabbit hole.

"Come on, there's no ways that guys haven't noticed." It was just a playful jibe, little more, and little less. Even so it was something that cut deeply, because for the wealth of conversation's they'd had in the past, this one was not something so easily thwarted. Mai was too candid for comfort. "You're too beautiful for them not to notice."

"I've never seen the need to amuse them." Shizuru replied slowly, closing her eyes. She tried to avoid seeing the amusement Mai kept within her own. "I've kept myself rather busy, you see. Besides that, it isn't as if I've been actively looking for someone to partake in my life in such a way."

Mai shrugged, taking one of the cookies from the plate in front of her. "You probably have guys stacking up left and right."

"Perhaps…I never really looked." Shizuru shrugged, feeling the disgust well from deep inside of her at such a thought. This thick tension could not go on any further, and Shizuru realized she'd never actually told Mai of her preferences before. She hadn't been trying to hide it, but, she hadn't exactly been open about the topic either. That would have to be amended. She doubted it would be a problem of course, but even so, she thought it best to test the waters. "Even if that was indeed the case, such a thing wouldn't suit me."

"Why, because you're so independent?" Mai asked her, tucking her chin into her palms. "I'd think that would just be a strike in your favor. They're probably a bunch of guys out there who don't want a clingy girlfriend."

Shizuru laughed gently at that. "I wouldn't know, I keep away from them." She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, and regarded Mai slowly. "I've no interest in the male persuasion. That doesn't bother you, does it?"

Mai shook her head with a casual glance to the side, honesty showing through. "Well, then you must have had a girlfriend, haven't you?" Mai said without missing a beat, not at all bothered by Shizuru's admission.

"Well, it depends on what you mean by girlfriend." Shizuru told with a soft smile. "If by girlfriend, you mean a woman with whom I share a friendship, then yes. I've had plenty of those."

"You know what I mean." Mai said quietly, enjoying Shizuru's tell-no-tale gaze. "Spill..."

"Oh, please...it's not as if I go looking." A fawn eyebrow lifted at that, a sideways nod following. "Well, I have nothing grand to tell you, I assure you...a consort here and there, I suppose." Shizuru admitted then, sipping some tea. "I am only human after all. It never went anywhere, but, I never expected it would."

"That's rough." Mai sighed, she took another cookie from the plate, regarding it between two fingers. "You know you've got a lot going for you, so why not just put yourself out there?" She dipped it into the tea letting it soak, watching despondently as some of the crumbs fell to the bottom of the cup before popping it into her mouth. "Other fish in the sea, and all that...people say it, so it must be true to some extent."

"Only when there's a sea instead of a pond." Shizuru retorted, sharing in Mai's dour expression. Something so simple carried a heavily weighted implication. Shizuru knew it was probably nothing, and that Mai was merely bantering in her usual way, but it drew her in anyway. "It would be pointless."

"Only if you have your eye on someone." Mai said with a wag of her finger. "You do, don't you?"

"I'm on the fence." Shizuru said, trying to stop her beating heart from running wild. "I suppose, I have found a woman who mildly interests me. However, to say the feeling would be reciprocated is by far a long shot."

"You'll never know until you try." Such a statement, one that lingered in the air was something more than just casual words. Mai's tone a comfort in and of itself.

She seemed almost encouraging…almost, but not quite…and yet even still it was enough.

A brush of the hand, not so innocent in the way Shizuru ran her thumb ran over Mai's knuckles gave her away. It was too meaningful, perhaps accidentally so, when Shizuru leaned in closer than she should have. Instantly regretting it as she pulled away, she sighed. Her averted gaze and shameful frown gave every indication of what her intention had been.

"Forgive me." Shizuru said all too quickly, catching herself when she realized she longed for something more than a simple friendship with Mai could ever afford her. "It was not my intention to be so forward."

And yet, that's exactly what had happened…faced with the fact that the look in Shizuru's eyes hadn't been exactly platonic forced Mai to struggle. She tried to come to terms with that little detail. It was one thing to suspect Shizuru's sexuality might lean towards the fairer gender, and another thing entirely to have those suspicions confirmed and such affection aimed towards her. "No, please don't feel sorry for that…it was my fault, really."

"It was still inappropriate." Shizuru said as she gathered the dishes and placed them in Mai's sink. "More so than even I care to admit." She berated herself foolishly. "Please, excuse my forthrightness."

"It doesn't bother me." Mai said, sincerely, concern drifting into her voice. "I'm more worried about you." Unsure of quite what to do, she let loose a nervous laugh that died weakly as soon as it greeted the air. Reaching forward to Shizuru's shoulder uneasily, her fingers barely caressing the fabric. "I'd rather that we didn't ignore this."

"There is nothing to ignore." Shizuru said as she turned to look at Mai. "I understood fully the ramifications of our friendship. I promised myself that it would remain steadfast, and so it shall." She smiled, something that came easier than she expected it would even in such a difficulty. "You have nothing to worry about, so please…make it easy for me, look beyond this, and simply don't read into it."

"Is that really what you want?" Mai asked her, slightly in disbelief.

"Yes…it is." Shizuru said as forced her own disappoint back into the depths of her heart. "I want us to remain strong friends, it was my intention from the start to keep it that way. I enjoy a basic and relaxed life, where order and boundary are the stability I can count on." Anything else terrified her, but she didn't dream of confessing that to the woman in front of her. "I don't wish to complicate that any further."

"A-alright then." Something about that bothered Mai, but she just smiled and nodded in agreement, unsure of how to take Shizuru's words. "If that's the way you want it to be, then I won't question it."

Shizuru looked over at the clock. "Would you like a ride up to the hospital again tonight? I know you work a double on the weekend. It may be hard to find time to visit."

"Yeah." Mai told her, equally thankful for the change of topic, still feeling slightly unglued. "I'd like that."

…

The one thing Shizuru had always promised herself without a shadow of a doubt, was that she would never let herself forget the simple pleasures in life. Complication was a slippery slope best left avoided before drastic mistakes were made. A little forethought early on could save a person in so many ways in the long run.

Her father had taught her that, and the methodology of his normally rang true.

She decided she couldn't afford to put her heart on the line. She didn't want a dime store romance that started someplace between friendship and ended after a long, narrow road filled with angry sex, and riddled with heart break. She would not fall into that hell like so many others she knew about…she would not step headfirst into one of those hellish, unfathomable romances that even if she sought out, would eventually elude her.

That's why in the pit of confusion, she always turned to routine.

The unquestionable faith she had in herself came from knowing that she needed no one. Shizuru had always took her own matters upon her own shoulders, it was a marked sign of strength to do so. It was also much easier to shut out the world than to place blind faith in it. Calculated risks were always simply that, and everything she did was safely kept at a comfortable distance away from everyone.

_So why am I sitting here in this damnable parking lot?_

Shizuru figured at this rate, she'd ask herself that question all night long. There was a white paper bag on the floor of the car where a wrapped sandwich sat, a warm mug of tea in her cup holder, and the radio buzzing to her favorite station. By the looks of it, she was in for a long haul. Her fingers drummed softly on the leather clad wheel as she waited for Mai to come out from those double doors.

It was a waiting game deemed pointless from the very start.

She lifted the tea to her lips, turned off the car radio, and pulled the key out of the ignition, resting back as she closed her eyes. No sooner had a sigh left her lips that a harsh tapping pattered on her window. A woman cloaked in a hoodie gazed in, dark hair and shocking emerald eyes were enough to call her attention, and Shizuru lowered the window with the hand crank. "May I help you?"

A muffled curse slipped beyond the frown. "If you're going to sit around, do it inside." She growled, her hands stuffed into her pockets, as if that would somehow protect her from the slight nip in the air. "Mai doesn't need to be worried about you too." With aloof ease, she turned on her heel, going back into the complex. "Idiot…"

The abrupt, if not rude exchange forced Shizuru to once again gaze up into the room. Mai's carrot colored hair vibrantly stood out from where she sat, her back to the window. There was another woman by her side, one easily identified as Nao…the shorter, not to mention vicious woman, seemed to be amused by something if her overt display was any indication. However, that alone didn't merit entering into the hospital. Instead, it seemed to imply that Mai was indeed perfectly fine.

Again, Shizuru peeped at the clock radio and closed her eyes. Feeling more than a little stifled, she opened her car door to get some fresh air.

…

Inside of Takumi's room, Natsuki was ready to spit nails. "Who does she think she is anyway, loitering around down there? It's creepy."

"What, don't tell me you're afraid of some rich snob?" Nao said with a toothy grin. "Don't think Mai can handle herself?"

"I'm telling you, I just don't like it." Natsuki muttered, hands in her pockets as she paced back and forth. "It's not normal, at least I sure don't think it is."

"Huh, that bitch pissed you off good, didn't she?" Nao didn't quite know what to think of that. She knew Natsuki was quick to go on the defensive, but this was more than just paranoid caution. "Would you look at that, she's still out there too. Maybe Natsuki's right." Nao said, looking at the parked car sitting near the front of the lot. "Are you sure that she isn't a stalker?" Nao asked Mai with a hint of worry.

"She's not anything like that." Mai said, waving a hand as if to dismiss the claim outright. "Guys, she's just a friend. You don't need to freak out or anything." She took a sip of coffee from the can she'd bought not long before. "She's been only a good friend and nothing more."

"It's because she's Akira's friend too. I'm worried." Natsuki grumbled. "Don't you think it's strange...?"

"Actually, Akira's fairly popular." Mai shrugged, earning her two very skeptical glares. "In her own circles, she really is!"

"Whatever." Nao said as she crossed one leg over the other. "Look Mai I don't care who she's friends with…all I care about is that she doesn't go sticking her nose where it doesn't belong."

"Or that she doesn't think she can get cozy with you if you aren't comfortable with it." Natsuki added darkly.

"Easy pup." Nao warned her, but felt the same way. "Mai, if you don't want her around, I can go run her off." She flung a glance towards Natsuki and then returned her worry back to Mai.

"Not by yourself, you aren't." Natsuki's hand felt itchy, and she wanted little more to reach for her pocket knife...she didn't even have that on her, and mentally cursed. "Anyone who's a friend of Akira isn't exactly a pushover, Nao, you know that."

A shared silence fell between them, only the muted racket of the nurse's station reaching their ears. Mai looked down at the floor, swallowing hard. "Look, I know what it looks like." She said after a moment to gather her thoughts. "And if it were anyone but me, maybe you'd be right….but I'm really busy looking after Takumi, so it's not like I have time for something like that."

"Actually…that's what bothers me the most." Natsuki said having come to a long standing conclusion. "For the longest time you've been sort of blind to anyone who even looks at you. I mean, let's face it Mai, you are a woman and people know it." Natsuki sighed then, shrugging away her agitation. "Then this chick starts coming around, and you let her near you. Suddenly the Takumi excuse doesn't really stand up, because like it or not, she's still out there." Natsuki licked her lips, wondering distantly if Mai really was interested in the woman. "Don't tell me this is some weird experimenting phase, or something."

Nao grinned as she stood from her place, her hips swaying gently as she caught Natsuki in a gentle grip. "Chill pup, Mai's not into that. She'd rather the meat and veg, wouldn't ya Mai?"

"We are sooo not having this conversation." Mai blushed but shook her head, mostly from embarrassment. "Whoever I sleep with isn't anything you need to know about."

"So…you do like her." Natsuki said then, her tone husky and quiet.

"I haven't exactly thought about it…" Mai shrugged, her eyes falling to the floor. "It's not like I wanted to lead her on, or anything. She doesn't really want to say anything either, sooo..."

"Well, she's into you, that's for sure." Nao said carelessly. "Probably has all sorts of strange and crazy fantasies about doing you lovely."

"Didn't I just say that we aren't having that conversation?" Mai shot back before her brother came back into the room from one of his nightly walks with Akira. Her face was beat red, and she didn't like the fact that all eyes on the room were aimed at her.

"What conversation aren't we having, exactly?" He asked, confused as he edged himself back into bed, pulling the blankets up around his legs.

"I was just asking why Mai hasn't spread her legs yet. That chick that keeps coming around, and I figured there's gotta be something in it for her." Nao shrugged, not at all minding the looks that earned her. "She's a babe, anyone would want to screw her…well, everyone except Mai, I guess."

"I sure as hell don't think about that." Akira wasn't the only one to look appalled but she was the first to speak. "You are really something else, Nao." She said with a shake of her head, trying to force the image away. "Get your head out of the gutter."

"This from a woman who probably hasn't even had her first orgasm." Nao grinned, arms crossed, out for blood.

"I'd watch it if I were you." Akira took a step forward, her concealed glass weapon was only a moment away. "Just because Mai lets you talk to her that way doesn't mean I'm going to tolerate it."

"Hey, cool it guys." Natsuki said, knowing if she didn't speak up, Nao would try to stir up more trouble. She forced herself between the two of them. "Look, I don't want any trouble, we all have a good thing going. Drama free and all that, I don't want someone new coming in here questioning the way we go about things…we're not exactly normal." In fact, Natsuki knew the bonds they shared was the nearest thing most of them had to family. "I'm not going to compromise what we've got going all because someone doesn't like it…and if she's going to be coming around, she sure as hell can't be sneaking around and hiding." Blowing a jet of air angrily from her nose she crossed her arms. "She's either in, or she's out."

Akira lifted an eyebrow, but as she stood by her husband again, she realized that Natsuki had a point. They weren't a normal group of friends by far, and, Akira had grown used to it by circumstance. She hadn't been given a choice, because one had never been offered to her. Takumi was a package deal. He came with an older sister who was often over protective, and she came with two friends that were nosey and aggressive, but loyal beyond a fault. Akira had never felt the need to question it, she only went along with it because that was the easiest way to deal with things.

She had to admit, more often than not, the tightly knitted group helped to take a great load of stress off of her mind.

"Shizuru's trustworthy." Akira said slowly. "You won't have any trouble from her…she's not exactly in the position to speak about unreasonable behavior either."

"Anyone who camps out like she does is already unreasonable." Natsuki huffed, ignoring the fact that Nao was grabbing her butt, giving it a firm squeeze. She held her girlfriend closer as a result, but swallowed hard, thankful that no one could see it from the angle she stood at.

"Natsuki, come on… don't be that way." Takumi looked over at Akira, a small smile on his face. "My wife was an outsider to you once too, and you warmed up to Akira just fine."

"The difference is Mai didn't give us a choice." Nao said smoothly. "She threatened us with an inch of our loves and lunches if we even thought of trying." Lime green eyes searched violet. "Look, I don't really give a damn either way…but she hurts you, she's dead….that's all I'm going to say about it." The implied threat went without saying…Nao didn't want anyone nagging at her either.

"You'd have to get in line." Natsuki muttered, with a nod.

"Mai, what's really going on with you two?" Takumi asked then, his words gentle. He asked out of concern, little more, because his sister truly seemed bothered. Yet, he regretted it when violet eyes met his in shame…

Mai turned to look out of the window. She could see that Shizuru's car was still there, but the woman was actually standing outside, leaning against it. Crimson eyes seemed to gaze up at the endless sky above her, a soft wane of a smile on her features…looking sad, and maybe just a little confused. "I don't know." Mai murmured at the sight, her fingers resting on the cool glass, wondering what could be going on in the woman's mind. "I never really…" Mai smiled and shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

"What are you, stupid?" Nao barked, teeth clenched as she shook her head. "Christ, your tits really did eat your brain, didn't they!? Jesus what's wrong with you, if you care about her, just go get to it already." A firm hand on her shoulder made her pause, and when she turned to look at Natsuki, what she saw lingering in emerald eyes made her curse under her breath.

"Mai…" The low husk from Natsuki was weak, barely breathed. "Mai are you cr…" Natsuki couldn't say the word, and swallowed hard as she saw shaking shoulders. Concerned she moved forward slowly, coming to stand behind her. She didn't even have to turn Mai around, the reflection in the glass was enough to see the truth. "It matters." Natsuki said with a sigh and a shake of her head.

"It doesn't." Mai said, her voice cracking. "It can't."

Warm arms circled strong and unflinching, from all around her.

"It can." Natsuki at her back…the first real friend she ever had. "And it should."

"Don't be fuckin stupid, just admit it." Nao, the bad example at her left. Stuck to her like glue.

"Sis, you deserve to be happy too." Takumi on her right…her reason for everything in her life up until this point. Akira stood behind him, her usual stoic expression neither here nor there, but the fact that her eyes bore steadfast into Mai's own was enough…

…

It was late by the time that Mai could pull herself together enough to leave the hospital.

With a calm expression on her face, she kept her breathing even, trying her best to collect her thoughts and corral them into place. If only she could do that, she could find a reason for why she felt so compelled to seek Shizuru out. To desire the simple things, such as the sound of her voice, and that casual, occasional touch. She knew she had to do something to find her strength. It was a task made difficult by her own sense of doubt. Her thoughts dripped from every part of her mind, clouding her judgment.

Icy cold resolve melted between her fingers, and just like the emotions she cradled gently in her soul, she could not give a name to her skittering uncertainties. They howled like ghosts, monsters looming where she could not see…even that was her own willfulness.

She hadn't wanted to see it, her desires were something that should have been left in the dust of her already broken past. She didn't really care to think about them. Her world revolved around so many circumstances, she was afraid to add another one into it…especially one such as love. She didn't want to fall prey to that kind of weakness, least she tack onto it all of her other self-imposed misgivings.

Mai made a habit to think that she didn't deserve to truly be happy until she knew that all of the other factors in her life were well taken care of, but those factors weren't in her control. She couldn't just magically fix them, and that powerlessness scared her…it was that selfsame powerlessness that she found herself afraid of when it came to Shizuru. One look from the woman could warm her, while another could unglue her.

Thinking of that plucked away at the corners of her mind.

Especially when she knew that Shizuru, for some reason, some whim that the fawn haired women hadn't spoken deeply on, made her wait around…that such a whim enticed Shizuru to stay went beyond Mai's interpretation of what should happen…and, what it might mean.

The entire thing left Mai's head swimming, and unsteady.

Her footfalls alerted Shizuru to her presence, and tired crimson eyes opened to get a look at her. "Did you have a nice visit?" The gentle wafting voice asked, so fluid that it washed over Mai like a breath of fresh air.

Mai could have kept it simple, she knew it…but the waiting game would make her feel worse. "It was intense." She said slowly, her feet were suddenly interesting as she looked to the ground. "We all sort of had this really long talk…my friends are busybodies like that, so it's only natural. I guess you could say that on some level, I expected it to happen one day."

"I have friends like that." Shizuru nodded, as she opened her car door, but Mai remained unmoving. "Always hoping to be helpful, I'm sure…often times I find it a comfort, but every once in a while, I question it."

Mai slowly walked forward, and closed the door, leaning on it. "We…." She felt foolish and averted her eyes. "We should probably talk too." She swallowed hard.

Crimson eyes flicked up to where Akira stood, arms crossed gazing out of the window above. She nodded once before closing the blinds, forcing Shizuru to sigh inwardly to herself. "Is that something you want to do, or have you been goaded into doing it?"

"Pressured or not, we still probably should." Mai told her.

"To talk?" Shizuru asked then.

"Yeah…" Mai said weakly, lowering her eyes. "It's not that strange, is it?"

"To talk, no not at all." Shizuru laughed. "That would never be considered so." Even still, she didn't like the way her blood grew thick and slow in her veins. "You should start."

Mai lifted her eyes at that. "I would….if I knew where to begin."

Shizuru turned to her, reached her hand to touch the side of Mai's face. "You don't have to say anything." Shizuru said with a soft smile and a shake of her head. "What is there to say? Confessions and admissions don't particularly suit me."

"I-it's not like I really know how to do this…" Mai murmured, shame lingering there.

"Two august women under the moonlit sky, the entire idea seems a bit too much, wouldn't you agree?" Shizuru said, a lilt of amusement sinking in. With a breath of the crisp air, she let her thumb run over Mai's soft lips. "It's dreadful, when I think about it such as that." Yet, that was exactly what was going on, and Shizuru couldn't avoid the otherwise simple truth. She leaned in, taking Mai's lips for her own, the action silent, even as it idled between them.

Not even a promise left in its wake.

…

Breathlessness wasn't something that Mai had ever considered to be a good thing. It was normally a situation she encountered while filled with dread and sorrow.

Then Shizuru came along, and shattered her perceptions bit by bit. That casual touch, a brush of lips that was far too fleeting to grasp hold of lingered even hours after, leaving Mai with a feeling that wasn't entirely confidant in her own self-image. Shizuru took her home, and she went to bed alone.

There was a strange sense of agreement between them, unspoken, but seemingly reciprocated.

She looked at her phone…no texts, no calls, and she smiled at her own foolishness. A kiss didn't deem them lovers, it wasn't even something that spoke of promises for the future. Her fingers touched her lips, and she closed her eyes, trying to rekindle the feeling from the night before, trying to make sense of it. Her apartment door open and closed, and she could tell by the footfalls that it was Natsuki.

"I'm in the back." Mai called as she went to go get her uniform for work.

"Please tell me you're dressed…" Natsuki called lamely as she made her way towards the back of the apartment where the lone bathroom and the bedroom was.

"Dressed enough I'm sure." Mai said, as she hooked her pants together, fishing around for a clean shirt with the diner's logo on it. "You've seen worse back when we were in gym class."

"Don't remind me." Natsuki smirked, leaning casually on the door frame. "So, ended up alone after all, huh?"

Mai paused, shirt in hand, releasing a breath. "She kissed me." Mai admitted quietly, pulling the shirt over her head and tucking it into her pants. "Just once, and we acted like it didn't even happen afterwards."

"Probably for the best." Natsuki shrugged. "I should have gone slower, I think, when I got tangled up with Nao." Then with a self-deprecating smirk she shrugged. "Never was good with handling the rain, and back then, there was no way in hell I could hold my liquor either…" Thinking it appropriate to close the distance she stepped closer to Mai, taking the hairbrush from her to tend the short tresses. "Yamada caught us the next day naked and hung over, shook his head and muttered something about being a pain in his ass. He never did bring it up to me though."

"He's never been like that, not that I remember." Mai said with a soft laugh. "About you and Nao though…" Mai bit her lip, she'd never really questioned it. Nao's overt displays were enough to clue her in, and she didn't dare ask about it…now though, she felt like didn't have a choice. "Natsuki, what keeps you to her? It's not just the…I mean…" Mai shook her head. "Never mind, forget I asked."

"Go ahead, you can say it." Natsuki put the brush down, taking a casual stance as she picked up one of the new issues of clothing magazine she followed religiously. "It's not just about the sex, I can't argue that part of it though…" She flipped though a few pages, bored, and then put it down. "To be honest, I don't really know either. It just works…and it'll keep working until it doesn't. That's the way I got it figured out." She knew such an answer wouldn't help Mai though, and felt poorly for that at least.

"Well, nothing a day of hard work won't fix." Mai said with a smirk. "It was only a kiss, right?"

"I duuno." Natsuki said after a shrug, a question was beyond her nature, and beyond her ken. "If that's all you want it to be, then I guess so." She added with a laugh, uneasily wondering if Mai would be okay leaving it at that. "Let's go before Yamada blames me for you being late."

…

Once they got there, both of them went in through the back, splitting off without even a word to each other.

Natsuki had her university books crammed in a bag as she pushed the door open to go sit at the front counter. Mai began to pick up where one of the other chefs left off, washing a pile up of dishes before it got too cluttered. Yamada sat in his usual spot behind the counter, cigarette perched between his lips as he counted money and checked over paperwork.

It was like any average day, surprisingly so, although Natsuki was thankful for that. "Pops, you haven't done shit all day, have you?"

"Nope." He muttered dryly, fingering the bills in his hands. "Nothing besides the usual."

"You're such a jerk sometimes." Natsuki said with a smirk, as she hoisted the thick stack onto the empty place in front of her. "A righteous bastard others."

He looked up from his records, rolling his eyes as he got a look at the girl he'd raised into a young woman. "About time you figured that out." He grumbled at her. "The bike's fixed." He told her, sliding the keys across the counter top. "Don't mess it up."

"Thank god." She tossed him the keys to the truck, watching him catch them in his large palm. "Mai, hamburger, double mayo. It's exam crunch week."

"Gotcha Natsuki." Mai said as she saw Natsuki unload several large text books and spread them out in front of her. "It'll be about twenty, I've got some back prep to do first."

It was nice to sink into the unquestionable truth of her daily activities. They weren't hard on the mind, and yet, demanded focus. There was a comfort in that. Meanwhile, Natsuki mowed through her studies, food at her side the entire time to occupy her fast metabolism and restlessness.

This was normal, so routine that nothing seemed askew. The usual patrons came by to greet them, and the day sped by in an orderly fashion. Mai kept herself washing dishes on the off time, running the griddles and fryers, and occasionally cleaning up a mess made by less experienced co-workers. It was all so much part of her being that she didn't even notice when the front door rang and someone out of the ordinary came to also sit at the front counter.

Yamada lifted an eyebrow, seeing the beautiful fawn haired woman take a seat right beside Natsuki, who seemed to send the woman a dirty, angry gaze, before burrowing into her text books further. He thought better of saying anything to the sternness in emerald eyes. Instead, he studied the newcomer. "Would you like to place an order, miss?" He asked, as he lit a cigarette anew.

"Oh, yes." She said with a soft nod. "Tea please."

"Do you have to be right frickin' here?" Natsuki growled at her.

"It would please me to do so." Shizuru said as she began to place those agitated emerald eyes with the selfsame ones she'd caught a glimpse of the night before. "Am I bothering you?"

Natsuki chewed on her lower lip and sighed. "Mess with Mai, and I will kick your ass so hard, you won't be able to sit for weeks." She said as she turned a page. "And yeah, you piss me off."

"Pardon that one." Yamada said, pointing towards Natsuki as he placed a fresh mug of black tea in front of Shizuru. "More bark than bite, you understand."

Shizuru nodded, taking a slow sip. "Mai's recipe." She noted, the flavor hard to misplace. She enjoyed it so often in the comfort of Mai's apartment, although the woman refused to admit in her own skill.

Yamada mutter an agreement but didn't particularly bother himself with the substance. "It sells." He shrugged, flicking ashes away. His glasses were smudged with fingerprints, and so as he took them off to clean them, he looked over at the textbook Natsuki cooped herself up within. "You going to introduce me to your friend here?"

"Not now, _dad_." Natsuki bit out, knowing he hated to be called that, because truth be told, he wasn't actually her father by blood. "Not a word out of you, either." Natsuki glared, seeing the smirk on Shizuru's lips. "Damn exams."

"I wasn't going to say a word." Shizuru said, trying to hide her laugh, failing miserably.

Drumming his fingers on the counter, he looked up at the clock. Mai's hours would be up soon. Gathering that this young woman was here for her, and that Natsuki was going to be madder than a hornet until the woman left, he came to a simple conclusion. He turned towards the back. "Mai, get the rest of the dishes done and then get the hell out of here before Natsuki chases away the customers." He told her.

Violet eyes looked through the order window, smiling when crimson lifted from their own paperwork.

…

Purple was a strange color, it drew Shizuru in more often than not, and it tested her fortitude in ways akin to madness. However, as she tended to the flowers in the greenhouse she came to one startling conclusion about her own methodology. It was something small, and it didn't really matter, but, it came as a mild shock all the same.

"You really do care for flowers quite a bit, don't you?" Mai laughed as she walked by with two large watering cans.

"Perhaps." Shizuru shrugged, holding a potted lilac bush. "Although flowers to me are more of an explanation for the human condition, rather than something I fancy above other types of nature."

"That's an odd way to look at it." Mai laughed, but asked all the same. "So, why's that?"

"Why indeed?" Setting the plant down in a new location, she leaned on some of the brick that made up one of the larger troughs. "Flowers and humans are much the same in our reliance of others. Flowers, for example could not do without bees and other fauna. Without the sun and water, it would wither away. Humans need those things too, and just like flowers, our requirements are finicky, and often misunderstood. Flowers die outwardly, a show perhaps of their own weakness…people die on the inside after they've given up." Then, with a smile, she shook her head. "You for example, resemble a lilac."

"I doubt that." Mai told her. "I've never before been compared to a flower, and I don't think I should start now."

"Because you're afraid to be." Shizuru laughed.

"I am not." Mai scoffed as she mixed some plant food together with water. "Try me."

"They have varying colors, though, purple and blue seems most prominent." Shizuru nodded as she considered that. "Lilac shrubs have roots that run deeply into the soil, meaning they don't often enjoy being moved around. To them, home is home. However, strangely enough, they'll tolerate almost any soil, so it isn't as if they're picky. Invasive verities tend to grow long shoots and spread themselves thickly. That means that it would rather live in a thick cluster than be solitary. Also, they bloom in alternate years, meaning for every year they stand out beautifully, there is another that they simply don't, as if they're tired and need a rest."

The similarities amused her, and Shizuru smiled. "They may seem strong and robust because the bark can be made into strong wood. However, the flowers are fragile, and the blooms easily die if over treated. As such, they are a flower best loved gently, with as little interference as possible. That is not to say that one shouldn't tend to them of course, merely that one should consider each bloom carefully."

"That didn't answer my question." Mai frowned as she began to water the plants in front of her. "I mean, I guess I see some similarities, but not enough to really count."

"Your eyes." Shizuru murmured. "The way you treat your family and friends. The way you try to appear strong even when it seems impossible to be." It all drew Shizuru in, more and more. "You always seem to go with the flow, even though, deep down, you'll always hold onto the people and places that comfort you the most. You are always there, and you are strong. However, the situations around you are fleeting, and very fragile."

"I'm sure that can be said for many people." Mai asked, putting aside her task. "What about you then? If you were a type of flower, what would you be?"

"Some sort of bulb plant." Shizuru said after a moment. "A lily, or a tulip. Something that's often noticed as very easy to care for, but also easily forgotten about." With a shrug of her shoulders she brushed the thought aside. "Eventually, the bulb will flower again, with or without anyone's help. Then, people will take notice again, but only long enough to forget." With a smile she turned to Mai. "The ones who do tend to plants such as that understand that the bulbs are far more finicky than they let on, although it's in simple ways."

"I think that's very generic." Mai told her.

"So, it is." Shizuru wondered what might happen if she leaned in and took Mai's for her own. It was true that she liked to be very open minded, to the point of even her own emotions, which were far from black and white in terms of circumstance. "As it should be when it comes to myself, I'm sure of that."

"What are you thinking?" Mai's throat felt dry, and her tone reflected that as she grew quiet.

Shizuru wouldn't say it, wouldn't even think it as she turned away. "Don't ask questions that we both can't answer."

"Then don't answer it." Mai told her. "Just kiss me."

…

"You don't have to do this…" Natsuki said, her hands firmly placed on Nao's shoulders. "No one is asking you to put yourself in this position."

"She's not going to get better." Nao said quietly, swallowing hard. "Her brain isn't firing off the signals to her body the way they used to. She's turning into a god damn vegetable."

"Nao, if you sign that paperwork…" Natsuki bit her tongue, not wanting to say anything else, but her hands tightened just enough.

"We can wait." Akira said with a shake of her head. "We should wait…it would be a bad idea to jump to conclusions."

"It's been years." Nao said quietly, a cold sweat dripping down her body. "Even if she wakes up, what kind of life will she even have?" No one could answer that question. None of them dared to think of the deeper intention behind that answer. "I've been thinking about this…rolling it around in my head for a long time. She doesn't want this….who the fuck would want this?" Again, a question none of them had the right to answer. "It's been years…what if this was you?" Nao asked, turning to face her lover. "What if that person, laying on that bed was you…would you want to keep laying there, like that?"

Natsuki swallowed hard, closing her eyes…vivid memories of her past forcing her to swallow down her own bile. "No…" Natsuki murmured. She'd watched the situation go on and on, with no end in sight. If she were in the same position, she knew what she'd want. "No, I wouldn't."

"I wouldn't either." Nao hissed through clenched teeth. "And I would hate the person who kept me that way…"

"If you sign that crap, you're going to hate yourself." Natsuki retorted.

"I already hate myself." Nao shot back. "She's the same blood type, the tissue's got a high match rate…" Nao bit her lip. "The cardiologist told me that himself."

The memory of her choice, the feel of the pen in her hands, and the sting of the tears were the only thing she recalled after she scribbled her name across the several documents, blindly lettering the final choices that once done, could never be taken back. She had demanded Natsuki and Akira to keep their mouths shut.

The siblings were never to know just where Takumi's new heart was going to come from…it was her only order, even after the shock of her own choice subsided, and depression sank in.

Even the booze wasn't enough.

Nao hated to go home, to an otherwise empty house that left her filled with memories she would rather just forget about. It was that one and only reason that made her avoid going home entirely. The chairs at the hospital, the floor in Mai's living room, even the park bench she sometimes frequented were places more warm and comforting than the place she had been raised. Then again, there was one place preferable than all the rest, and though she would never say it to Natsuki, she was thankful for that unspoken spot that was hers.

No one else dared to lay on Natsuki's bed without an unhappy reaction…well, everyone except for Mai, who rarely came by anyway, and only stayed the night when things took turns for the worst…Nao hated those kinds of nights the most, and she always lay, waiting for the next terrible moment to come and go, just as they always seemed to do.

How many nights had the three of them huddled together when there was nothing else? Nao couldn't remember the exact number. She was thankful last night wasn't one of those kinds of night. She doubted she could face Mai, and tell the girl what she'd done.

Nao licked her lips, grateful for her numbed mind. Expecting it early meant she could pretend she didn't care…that at the end of the day, she really was as aloof and uncaring as she made herself out to be. A worthless façade, surely, but one she felt some strange connection with.

A fog slipped from her lips, clouding the air with toxins. Nao reached over to the nightstand next to her, leaving her pipe on the glass tray she had bought for that reason alone. She flipped her hair, pushing it out of her eyes as a sigh overtook her. "Sweet fuckin' Jesus, pup." She muttered between clenched teeth. It hurt to move, and she couldn't exactly recall what had transpired after they got to Natsuki's room. "The hell did we do?" Then she swallowed hard…. "What the hell did I do?"

Natsuki made a perturbed grunt as she lifted herself from her spot. Her body littered with bite marks, hickeys, and scratches. Two empty booze bottles littered the floor, and the thick smell of sex covered the air, mingling with the smell of tobacco. "Well, you didn't screw Jesus by the feel of it." Another grunt slipped past her lips, seeing the wetness in Nao's eyes, ignoring it.

She knew that's what Nao wanted her to do. "Who's up at the hospital?" She squinted at the clock, her mind fuzzy.

"Akira." Nao said as she sat up fully. "She has the day off, she's spending the day. We don't go up unless I get a text."

Natsuki nodded, as Nao leaned over, pushing her down into the mattress. "What?" Natsuki muttered, looking up into lime green eyes as her head hit the pillow.

"I kicked your ass last night, didn't I?" Nao laughed with a smirk that didn't reach her eyes. "I don't remember it, must have been black out drunk again."

"Wouldn't put it past you, you shit." Natsuki said, reaching up to tangle her fingers into the dark red locks. "Come here."

Nao grinned in such a way even the devils themselves would shiver, but even that was something forced. Her mask was breaking. "Make me." Even her voice fell under the weight of her turmoil.

"Nao, come here." Natsuki said, not wanting to play the game anymore. "Come on, lay back down with me." Her fingers slid down the side of Nao's cheek and over slender shoulders, trailing down to rest at Nao's elbows. When the red head further refused, keeping her playful grin as strong as she could muster, her lips trembling, Natsuki shook her head, wrapping her arms around Nao's torso, and diving on her, flipping their positions as she then pulled one end of the blankets over them in a cocoon. "I've got you."

Nao just sighed, the feigned smirk across her features now gone as she melted into the warmth of the woman holding her. "I hate you." She growled even as she buried herself into Natsuki's hold even further. "I really fuckin' hate you."

"Yeah…" Natsuki said softly. "I know."

"Why are you still here?" Nao asked then, unwilling to let Natsuki pull away. "Why stick around me?" There would be no way she would let herself be exposed.

"Don't know." Natsuki thought about that as she kissed the side of Nao's cheek, running her fingers again through those short, silky strands of hair. "Don't care, just am."

It was an easy excuse, and Nao took it willingly. "You're stupid, thinking about it like that."

"Maybe I am." Natsuki attested, she wouldn't doubt it. "Or, maybe you're just an idiot for thinking too hard." In the end of the day, Nao would still be there. "Either way, doesn't matter."

…

It didn't really matter, did it?

Nothing was really significant if a person clung only to that one thing. Life was a thing measured by both the quantity and quality of things experienced in an entire lifetime. It wasn't entirely one or the other. That's what Takumi believed. He fully intended to see the day where he could quantify life outside of his usual medical routine, which kept him ill as time went on. It was his position that made him realize the joys that many others would take for granted.

Even in this moment, he found significance, as mundane as it was.

Addled, Takumi allowed his mind to drift to things that had transpired right under his nose. He sat, magazine in hand, flipping the pages uneasily as he tried to figure out the foolishness of his sister. Wondering what had kept her quiet for so long wouldn't help him one way or the other, and even though he loved his sister, he would personally lock her out of the room if she came into day.

He didn't know why he felt so agitated at himself, but it nagged at him so much, that Akira finally sighed, looking up from the pen and paper she doodled on idly.

"Give it a rest." She told him as she shot her husband a pointed stare he couldn't escape from. Having been used to her directness, it didn't phase him, and yet, she never did return to her prior amusement. "You know, Takumi, when you get a new heart, you'll be able to have a normal life again."

"Yeah, I guess so." He went back to the article, uneasy and not liking the implication in her tone, distant as it was. She had been like that all morning. When...not if...but when...he began to wonder if she had lured herself into a false sense of security. "I'd have to get one first." He told her, and in order to have a working heart, he knew what that meant. The morbidity bothered him on a deeper level than he ever admitted.

"You will, one day...but even then, you'll have to be careful. I've been thinking about it, and since I plan to take over for my family, I can support the two of us." She told him, knowing that such a thing had always troubled him. "We can live comfortably, I'm sure, so I don't mind in the slightest."

"Akira, if I can get a new heart, then I'm going to be fine." He said, closing his book, hearing the things she struggled with the most. "When I recover…well, then I can get a job and help out a lot more. I never intended to be the type of person who sat around all my life…" Then he smiled, though some part of him still knew it seemed forced. "In fact, I've been taking it easy for so long, it'll be nice to be able to challenge myself a little bit."

"If you say so...but you would still need to be careful not to hurt yourself...and besides, sooner or later we'd have a family to raise, I'm sure...I'm not really the motherly type." Akira still didn't take heart to those words, discomforted as she returned to her drawing. "Are you hungry yet, I can go get you something."

"Not really." He toyed with the edges of his blanket. "I'm too worried about Mai."

"Well don't be. She can take care of herself." She ordered, as if that alone would actually be enough. "Watch a movie, or something."

"If you're tired you should go home and rest." Takumi told her, concern now growing for her too. "I know you were training late yesterday."

They were all tired, but Akira knew better than to say that. Instead she grabbed one of the books that Nao had left for her, before grabbing a pillow and a blanket from the shelves. "You want to be useful? Let's go down the hall, and you can read this while I take a nap across the air duct."

"Akira I don't think…" He quieted as she shot him a glance.

"If I wanted to know what you think, I'd ask you." She told him, as she tilted her head towards the door. "You coming?" She knew he would never know it, but the action alone would be his last time coming face to face with the woman. She hoped that he would never make the connection when the doctors would later tell him of the good news...

It was probably the worst news he'd ever hear if he heard the truth. He was too good a man to be that selfish. They all knew it...but he hadn't the slightest, and for him it was just another day.

He smiled at her, knowing he wasn't going to be able to talk her out of his, and followed behind.

…

Shizuru had spent the early part of the day reflecting, trying to piece together just exactly how she felt. It would have been easier to just put her heart into a box, pretending that it wasn't even there at all. Instead, for some god awful reason that she just couldn't understand for the life of her, she ended up waiting for Mai willingly. It was probably idiotic puppy love, and little more, a crush she would get over…at least that's what she wanted to believe, but Mai hadn't pushed her away.

She'd leaned into that kiss, nervous and awkward…so unsure of her own baited breath.

If that was all it was ever going to be, Shizuru knew she could go back to the old life and routine…but, if she were honest, she had no desire to. She wanted those expectant violet eyes aimed at her, those depths that damned her so…she wanted them to pull her in and sweep her away.

Even so…this…this was foolish. Yet she prepared a tray of snacks anyway as she entertained the notion of being the perfect hostess to Mai now that she was finding herself to be a houseguest. "I don't often entertain, so you'll have to forgive me." She said as she carried refreshments to the coffee table. "Perhaps I should look into changing that."

"Are you kidding, my pantry ends up bare because of how often my friends end up coming over." Mai shook her head with a soft laugh. "My apartment is like a soup kitchen and a boarding house all in one."

"Your friends come over often?" Shizuru asked, an upturned eyebrow showing her mild surprise. "I always thought they mistook your brother's room for a hotel." Then with a soft, worried glance she took a sip of tea. "Though the same could sometimes be said for you."

"At least I don't sleep sitting in my car." Mai returned, leaning in just a little bit.

"Touché." Shizuru breathed, feeling the intensity between them once again.

"Shizuru, what are we doing?" Mai asked, a twinge of sadness in her voice.

"I haven't the slightest." It was a heated admission. "A phenomenal question though." One Shizuru still hadn't had the answer to, so instead, she took Mai's face in her hands, crushing the woman's lips with her own. She could feel the uneasy tremble as they melted into each other, sighing as they parted lips for the first time. Drenching themselves in the wayward sensations filling their senses, fingers tangling into locks of hair and legs intertwined.

Mai gasped and pulled away, eyes wide as she fought to catch her breath. The intensity of that single kiss left a nagging desire to see more. Her teeth gritted gently, more out of worry than anything else, as her eyes slipped closed. She remained unmoving, even though she could still feel the warmth of the woman near her. So close, easily filing her being by the mere expression that Mai couldn't burn from her mind.

What to do eluded the both of them, denial was almost fitting…dashing aside that even such a scorching kiss happened between them was somewhat alluring in its own right…to just forget, move on, and find that renewed sense of balance once more.

"What do you want to do?" Shizuru asked her quietly, her hand lifting to that blushing cheek once more, her thumb playing over slightly parted lips and then fleeing away, trailing down Mai's chin, and then her neck. She watched, mesmerized when Mai inclined her head to welcome Shizuru's beseeching touch, violet eyes still closed, emotions concealed away to be left questioned.

Mai said nothing, her eyes opening slowly, her entire world still struggling to right itself. She didn't trust her voice as she licked her lips, almost wanting to lean in and savor another kiss. Hesitation shackled her into place, uncertainty bound her words, and that crimson eyes gaze froze her like a stone. A cold burn worked its way through her...the blood chilling reality that she wanted this woman, mingling with the fact that she had no idea how to give rise to the answer Shizuru seemed to need.

"Do you want this?" Shizuru murmured.

The question could go so many different ways, the outcomes themselves a crossroads that left Mai unwilling to make a statement. If that would be seen as an invitation or not, Mai was unsure, but she continued to say nothing as she leaned down, even the slightest bit, trying, and failing to force herself to move.

Crimson eyes narrows at that, her luscious lips thinning into a tight line. She too said nothing, leaning forward, matching Mai. Their breath once again mingling, not even inches apart. A waiting game.

Mai cracked, backing up only a little, but even that seemed as if were something she did only out of hesitation alone, weighing the implications that flowed through the air. Shizuru wanted her too, there was no doubt…and Nao's little barbs, crass as they were…could no longer be called jokes.

A beating heart waited in the palm of Mai's hand. So easy to crush and trample underfoot, and equally easy to caress and cradle in her hands.

Shizuru grew near, a pleading glance fracturing her mask again, a mere moment of expression something far deeper than words. Again, so close, and yet so far, a gap Shizuru wouldn't close so willfully. It was a question, permission being asked to do as she pleased. Noses touching, eyes meeting, and shallow breath suffocating the both of them.

Did she want this?

"More than anything." Mai said with a careful nod, barely there at all, their wishes granted in that single action.

...

From the looks of it, he wouldn't be getting his morning tea today.

From the open window, Reito shook his head as he stuffed his hand into his pockets, a smirk lifting from his lips as he descended from the front steps. "Good girl." He whispered to the closed front door, where the spider still perched in the door frame. Lifting his phone to his ear, he waited for the person on the other line to pick up. "You win, Akira, I'll pay for Takumi to fly to America."

"Don't bother." The husky famine voice said with her usual directness. "I didn't do it for you, or for Takumi…besides, we've got a heart…" The click entered his ear, the sound of her hanging up. He looked back towards the house, and his eyes narrowed, there was nothing he could do but keep an eye on Shizuru from afar. All of the money and power in the world could never buy her happiness, but he hoped that his desire for her to be so was enough.

She was Mai's worry now, and he could be content with that. With a smirk playing on his lips, he went off to work, leaving the two women to their slumber.

Such blissful heaven had an end, and it came when the morning sun trickled in through the window with blinding force.

At first, she thought she might be in some strange fantasy, but the breath upon the nape of her neck was tangible. The gentle smell of spices from the candle that had long since burned out, and the feel soft skin was the first thing Mai woke up to, wrapped up in a blanket and an embrace.

Shizuru held her near, sleeping soundly, her nose buried in the crook of Mai's neck, seemingly drowning in her scent with every breath. It was unusually warm, considering they weren't in a bed, but rather on that same lounge that they had perched upon the day before. It would have been temping not to move, but she couldn't rightly laze around all day.

Easing her way out of the embrace that held her close, Mai righted her shirt that sat askew on her form, cursing her breasts for being so large and hard to manage at times. It felt strange waking up in a home that was not her own, in the arms of another. She felt rested, and even more than that, safe. Comforted by Shizuru's nearness, even when every other part of her felt uneasy about what that comfort might mean.

She was unsure just how her life would change, if it would at all…and yet, the thought had yet to petrify her. Instead, it had only bound her resolve more tightly around her heart. Every moment spent near the woman of fawn tresses was a moment not spent in sadness, a moment not spent wishing for the world itself to end.

They were moments of hope, laughter, and tenderness. Things she had never knew she was so thirsty for until Shizuru had come along.

If Mai had learned anything from Nao and Natsuki, it was that love was a lot less magical than fairytales made it seem. It was warmth on the coldest days, and yet unstable, rocky paths the only ones to take. Even so, at that moment, it didn't feel so hard, and for the first time, she'd slept soundly. That alone was worth it, Shizuru's voice, the feel of her lips, and her easy going smile. The gamble was an easy choice to make. Mai knew that Shizuru kept a large, yet modestly stocked kitchen.

She leaned down to kiss the woman on the lips. It still felt like home, still the one place she belonged. It was with that truth that she took their cellphones and hid them in the drawer of the coffee table. The gamble of loving another had only just begun, and it was a risk she was willing to take as she went to go make breakfast.

Turnabout was fair play...

* * *

><p>And so ends a fiction that was birthed from a conversation on Skype, and a 300 word document in notes. I hope you enjoyed it Beth...the epilogue we discussed will be coming in the foreseeable future...after real life calms back down a bit.<p>

Going back to my little cubbyhole now, until next time.


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